"In the silence we get the wonderful inward joy that is God. We see what the real is."                 Myrtle Fillmore, How to Let God Help You

 

Generally, when I set an intention to expand my spiritual understanding, the first response I receive is a shout from my adverse (human, sense) ego, and this was no different. Obviously, I'd had a whole lifetime to discover this "fountain" of joy within, and it was just as obviously quite dry. Obviously, I was correct in the first place- I must've gotten someone else's message.

 

This is where having established a spiritual practice, or being "prayed up", becomes so very useful. While that ego-voice seemed ready to concede the hopelessness of finding joy, something in me knew better. Charles Fillmore reminds us that we also have a "spiritual ego", which is "the true self; an individualized center of God consciousness; I AM"  Perhaps it was time to claim my true self, and allow understanding to unfold. At that point, it finally became clear to me that I needed to go back to that most foundational of teachings: "But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. (Mt.6:33 NRSV)

 

It was time to stop worrying about joy, and do what we're always supposed to do- stop looking at the perceived lack, whether it is an apparent lack of supply, lack of companionship, or lack of joy, and strive to know Spirit. I still didn't understand joy any better than I did in the first place, but at least now I understood that I had a choice- I could either keep focusing on lack-of-joy, or I could center myself in what I did understand; that there is only one Presence active in my life and that Presence is God, Good Without Opposite: Omnipotence, Omnipresence, Omniscience. Looked at in this way, the choice was quite simple- focusing on lack-of-joy felt bad, while focusing on Spirit was nourishing and fulfilling.

 

While on vacation Jon and I enjoy watching the wildlife, taking walks along the beach, and indulging one of our favorite pastimes, watching movies. On one particular day, the weather was glorious, up in the 80s. That morning we'd watched dozens of pelicans diving for fish and surfers riding their boards. When I took my walk, I watched sea lions swimming around the end of the pier and saw dolphins surfing along the tops of the waves. As I did each day, at the far end of my walk, I sat on my favorite stretch of beach and meditated.

 

When my meditation came to an end, I noticed that it was an extremely low tide, and there were hundreds of rounded stones washed up on the shore- black, brown, reddish, even some purple and green stones. And there, in the midst of all of those dark stones, was one- and only one- bright white stone glistening in the sand. I couldn't help smiling as I reached down to pick it up. I had found that which I had ceased to seek.

 

My advent lesson was complete. I knew that the Source of my joy is not the weather or the wildlife or the scenery. The Source of my joy is that fountain within, which is All-Good. As our master teacher, Jesus, had promised, by giving up my quest for the outer rewards and seeking only the kingdom of God, all of these things, including the Joy of the Christmas season, are given to me.

I will be back on Sunday to celebrate this fourth week of the Advent season with you. I look forward to seeing you!