"For pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense." C.S. Lewis
A few days ago someone asked about my favorite Bible verses. After giving my answer, I couldn't stop thinking about when I had first discovered one of them. Several years ago when I was at Unity Village for classes, we were assigned to find a Bible verse which reflected our intentions as spiritual teachers and leaders. I remember my excitement when I found it- out of the whole, entire Bible, as obscure and foreign as that book was to me, I had found just exactly and precisely the most perfect verse.
When we returned to class the next day, each of us was to come forward and share our verses. When we began alphabetically, my heart sank just a bit: I was certain by the time we reached me, "my" verse would have become boring and old from repetition. My human sense-mind began mourning the loss of its fresh brilliance before anyone else had spoken a single word. Inside, I felt like Horshack on the old "Welcome Back Kotter" show, "Oooh! Oooo! Oooh!" hand held high in the air, barely contained in my seat. Externally, of course, I just sat there.
I wish I could tell you just how amazing each of the verses shared were, clear and gemlike. I wish I had the words to tell you what a blessing it was to sit there with open-hearted receptivity, gaining insight into my classmates' intentions and aspirations. I would love to tell you how valuable and inspiring those verses have proven to be over the years, forming the basis of an ever-deepening understanding of the bible as a collection of human responses to the Divine journey we all share. Unfortunately, the story I would like to tell you never happened. It's not even a little bit true.
The facts are that each of my classmates shared their scripture reference and spoke their verses, and I did not hear anything past the reference. With each one, I was just glad they hadn't "taken" mine. I was so completely wrapped up in taking ownership of this perfect, precious gem of intention that I gave absolutely no attention whatsoever to anything that any of the others said. One by one, I dismissed them and their second-rate verses (and if any of those dear friends are reading this, I truly and deeply apologize!). One after the other, they allowed me to keep my grip on "my" verse. Looking back, I see how completely I had moved from the benign (if overly demonstrative) role model of Horshack to the greedy, possessive ugliness of Tolkien's Gollum, "Precious, precious, precious! My Precious! O my Precious!" Mine... mine... all mine...
When it was finally my turn, I spoke my verse and, as she had for each of the others, our instructor said, "Thank you." I walked back to my seat, crushed. She hadn't gotten excited and told the class how THIS was the verse she was waiting for. The room didn't burst into a spontaneous outcry of approval at the brilliance of my find. I sat down, and the next person got up and shared theirs. At dinner, no one told me how much they loved my verse. The clouds did not part, the sky did not open, and Charlton Heston's voice did not ring out, declaring that I was his daughter in whom he was well-pleased.
For quite a long time after that day I couldn't really bear to look at my verse because it reminded me how badly I'd handled the whole experience. I hope that over the past seven or eight years I have learned to recognize a bit more clearly the work of the egoic mind doing what egoic minds do: striving, planning, judging, creating expectations, dissecting disappointments, and assigning blame and shame. I hope that I have become willing to see more clearly how the human ego wants to claim even the most divine of aspirations as its own, special prize. The next time something like this arises in my life, I hope I will remember to pause, breathe, and appreciate the fullness of Good which is ever-present, always and in all ways available for me and for everyone. The next time I find myself tempted to selfishly claim that Good as "mine" and mine alone, I hope I will smile, remember my True aspiration, release the egoic grip of sense-mind, open my heart, and simply choose the infinite abundance of peace.
My verse? I am happy to report that it has become a constant companion, reminding me of my highest intention. Unity co-founder Chas. Fillmore writes that it is our mission to express that which we know God to be, and that if we can imagine something is possible to God, it is also possible for us. With that encouragement, I no longer feel ashamed of my failure to live up to it, but remain open to the possibility of fulfillment. My verse is Proverbs 31v26:
"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."
