E T Phoned Home
By Growltiger*
Growltiger has it on good authority that NSA doesn't listen in on phone calls; however, NSA recently accidentally overheard the following:
E.T.: Mother Ship! This is E. T. My cruiser crashed.
Mother Ship: Garbled:
E. T.: Can you beam me up?
Mother Ship: Garbled:
E.T.: I know you're out in the Ort Cloud, but this is an emergency.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: Yes, I destroyed the cruiser.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: A place called Washington, D.C.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: I'll submit my report once you beam me up. My head is going to explode if I have to stay here any longer.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: Okay. (Sigh). The planet is divided into sectors called "continents" and sub-sectors called "nations". One of these continents is called Europe. Europe currently is being inundated by non Europeans.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: I know everyone in the galaxy calls such a thing an invasion, but these people call it a migration.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: Why? Who knows why? These inhabitants aren't like anybody else in the galaxy. They've evolved to the point they won't call anything by its real name because they are afraid of hurting somebody's feelings or making someone uncomfortable and not feel safe.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: Migrants is what they call them.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: Anyway, most of the migrants are adherents of a political-religious philosophy called Islam which openly calls for world domination. It turns out adherents of this political-religious philosophy slaughtered 500 earthlings over the last few months.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: Islam, I think it's called. Last month, in France, these Islamists shot over 100 people and wounded a lot of others.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: No. France doesn't allow civilians to have firearms.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: Of course, they're just as dead! I guess just not as dead as they'd be if the murderers had obtained the guns legally according to what I hear on the thing they call television.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: Yeah, one of them entered France as a migrant.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: No, the lady who runs Germany says it would be inhumane to stop the migration.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: No, I haven't heard about any psychiatric exam.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: I guess since all of the migrants don't intend to kill all of the Europeans, its not an issue if some of them kill some of the Europeans.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: Makes no sense to me either, but the computer says in the previous century, a politician named Churchill banned people called Nazis from entering his sub-sector, England, but over time Europeans and other Westerners evolved to the point they think it's mean not to let people who want to kill them come into their country and give it a whirl.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: No, I'm in a place called America. If you think France, is weird, you ought to try this place. At least France closed its border after the Islamists shot up the place. Last week two Islamists murdered 14 Californians at a Christmas Party.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: I don't know what a Christmas Party is. Anyway, every four earth years, Americans have some kind of celebration which they call a presidential primary and this year one of the dancers at the celebration suggested after the California carnage maybe they shouldn't let anybody who practiced Islam into the country until the leaders could figure out what was going on.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: All hell broke loose.
Mother Ship: Garbled
E.T.: I'll try, but it's a little difficult. Seems like a number of the Americans in leadership positions want to invade the country these Islamic migrants are coming from but at the same time let these Islamic migrants into the United States.
Mother Ship: I'll beam you up right away. You've landed on Planet Moonbat.
