To: Vladimir 

From: Growltiger, CEO, Cool Cat Political Advisers Ltd. 

Re: Street shootings and critics 

Date: June 10 2015

Dear Vlad,

You asked for suggestions regarding the heat you took for rubbing out a couple of political opponents and reporters opposed to your policies. After researching the subject as requested, here is Cool Cat's report.

Gunning down opponents on the street is unnecessary. A more subtle approach is superior. The United States is a perfect example, at least when a Democrat is in office (1). Since you are not be fluent in English Doublespeak, you might want to check out George Orwell's "1984" in the Russian translation.

To be effective, a sycophant majority media that functions as propaganda office, opposition research department, hit squad, court jester and cheerleading team is required. People who think they're free act like they're free unless they don't have the information they need to be free. For excellent examples of media synchronicity with one party rule, Google "The New York Times", "L.A. Times" and "Washington Post". It also is beneficial if one of the major Russian television markets appoints one of your former political operatives to read the news. Google "George Stephanopoulos+ABC". He or she should be transferred at ten years in service, however, because after that time, the aforementioned political adviser might believe the propaganda that s/he's an "unbiased journalist" and launch an open attack against a member of the opposition party which will be so blatant even the dimmest of his formerly fooled viewers take notice. Be certain the other news readers at the other television stations are also sympathetic to the ideology. Read Sharyl Attkisson's "Stonewalled" to see how well this worked at CBS.

Naturally you will need an Academy that supports the ideology. This is necessary because students who are educated rather than indoctrinated tend to ask questions they shouldn't, such as how come there were Ice Ages and a Medieval Warming Period before there were industries and internal combustion machines? People who aren't taught history and geology don't make trouble when it becomes necessary to use "climate change" to wipe out an expanding middle class. I'm certain there are enough "fellow traveling" professors left from Russia's good old days to promote as heads of the departments with instructions to hire only fellow travelers.

Enlist limousine liberals and Gulfstream Celebrities to grouse about "income inequality". Don't worry about the useful idiots catching on. That's why they're called "useful idiots". A shout-out to another Vladimir (2) for coining the term, by the way.

Instead of offing political opponents, consider siccing the Russian Federation's equivalent of the IRS on them. If the Russian Duma (do you still have a Duma?) makes a big deal out of it, rely on your media minions to hammer the recalcitrant Dumans (sic) for "playing politics".

If the Dumans won't shut up, destroy the evidence. A compliant media won't make much of an issue out of suspicious hard drive clashes  the way the American media went cuckoo over gaps in recordings during the "Watergate" Era. Different time, different president, different party. That's how it works.

Be aware, there may be a couple of renegade news markets like Fox News or the Drudge Report who try to make trouble, but you can always accuse them of bias and hopefully in the future, sic the IRS on them.

With an 85% approval, there aren't any real threats to your presidency, but if someone looks like he might be gaining traction, don't wipe them out in a barrage of bullets, send in the media. For ideas, Google "Bridgegate", "Watergate", "Walker's lack of college degree", "Mission Accomplished", "Herman Cain", "Newt Gingrich", "Meg Whitman", "The Rubios' driving records", Rubio's and Bush's financial records", "Mitt Romney's dog", "Mitt Romney's Offshore Accounts", Mitt Romney's Tax Records", "George Bush+National Guard", "the painted rock on the ranch the Perry's rented when Perry was a child".

And remember, should one of your embassies be attacked, unlikely given you have a reputation for not suffering fools gladly, don't do anything foolish until the media have a chance to accuse those who mention the attack as trying to capitalize on Russian deaths. Blame an Internet Video, and it it gets out it was a preplanned attack, stand back and let the media handle the problem. You can Google Candy Crowley + Mitt Romney for instructions on that one.

If worst comes to worst, you can always claim you are transgendered, have a sex-change operation, then declare the opposition is declaring a "War on Women".

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(1) If you want advice on suggested tactics when -- in the unlikely event -- the opposition is in office, that will require a new contract and an additional fee.

(2) Vladimir Lenin aka Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov.