THE PRESIDENTIAL DERBY
By Growltiger*
Every year on the first Saturday of May, racing's top two-year-old's compete in the first race for the Triple Crown. Conversely, every four years, the nation's top politicians vie for their party's nomination for the White House. Or as Jeb Bush might put it, La Casa Blanca.
If the past is any predictor of the future, the Democrats will conduct a measured, relatively respectful campaign while the Republicans will form a circular firing squad and savage each other until one bloodied nominee staggers across the finish line, dead tired, dead broke and full of holes.
The 2016 Republican field is about the same size as this year's Kentucky Derby--about twenty horses--and like the Derby, there's always a favorite. This year's favorite is former Florida Governor Jeb Bush. Governor Bush hasn't announced yet, at least not in English. Who knows what he said on Cinco de Mayo when he celebrated the Mexican army's victory over Napoleon III's French forces at the Battle of Puebla. No word yet on whether he'll speak on the Fourth of July or if he does whether his speech will be in English.
Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio make up the trifecta, all apparently unaware of just how big a mess a novice senator with zero executive experience can make in a few short years. Affable former Arkansas Governor and talk show host, Mike Huckabee, might have won in 2012, but decided not to run. Why he's running now is anybody's guess. With any race, the handicappers make a difference, and this year the same Department of Justice that is uninterested in former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton's purging of emails and collecting booty for her foundation, just added a few hundred pounds to Governor Christie of New Jersey's saddle as a penalty for causing a traffic jam on the George Washington Bridge.
The only filly in the field is Carly Fiorina who is blissfully unaware of the what's going to happen when the Democratic media unleashes the Palinator, a pulverizing device that chews up and spits out any female who is not a member of NOW. The dark horse in the field (sorry, Ben) is Dr. Carson, and while the American electorate does seem infantile, spoiled and lacking functioning neurons, it isn't clear a pediatric neurosurgeon without executive experience is best suited for the job. The country might be better served were Dr. Carson the vice presidential nominee with the stated mission of fixing health care once and for all.
Scott Walker, Mike Pence, Bobby Jindal, Lindsay Graham, John Kasich, George Pakaki, Rick Perry would all make acceptable candidates, and certainly better than what we have now, but whether they're up to fighting off each other before having a shot at a Democratic candidate supported by a majority media that is openly partisan is the question.
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