Simon Tinkler.

You can love and serve God as an out and proud gay man. You do not have to choose between being gay and being a Christian. Discovering this truth has been a difficult yet exhilarating journey for me.

As a teenager in a contemporary church, I was sold the cruel lie that being gay was evil and that I could easily become straight. Twenty years of attending ex-gay support groups, enduring exorcisms, days of fasting and hours of prayer left me unable to change into a straight person.

During that time, I was an Australian Christian Churches Pastor, married, with two beautiful daughters. When I spoke to senior ministers about the struggles with my sexuality I was told to keep it a secret. I wanted to support others who were going through the same thing and founded Ministry One in 2003 and was its director for six years. Like other ex-gay ministries in Australia, Ministry One was affiliated with Exodus International and we looked after people who'd made inquiries through their website.

Living in a Christian subculture, where I could never be myself, eventually the struggle became so great I got to the point of considering taking my own life. Thankfully I decided not to die but to live, to embrace the love of God and be the person I really am. This involved discovering that literalist interpretations of the Bible create an ugly caricature of Christianity. I discovered an authentic and progressive faith in God and moved into the LGBT community where I found love, acceptance, friendship and support. It was so good to be welcomed and embraced after years of secrecy and rejection.

Today I am in a committed relationship since 2009 with my wonderful partner Timo where we celebrated our civil union in February 2012. I am also actively involved at St John's Cathedral, Brisbane. I have a loving relationship with both of my daughters and it has been good to see my ex-wife get remarried to a heterosexual man. I run a successful travel business and seek to be an encouragement to those I meet.

I know firsthand that it is very hard when you are a gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender person in an anti-gay "Christian" world. You can feel very alone, very afraid and very confused. My encouragement to people in this situation is that there is a better way but it must be your own choice and that choice does take courage. Each person must choose their own path. Above all I encourage gay people not to get married for the sake of the precious other person involved and to avoid ex-gay ministries like the plague.  

I conclude with a heartfelt apology to anyone who has been hurt or misled by my past life and ministry. If I had known what I know now, I would not have chosen that path for myself or encouraged others to believe they could become straight.

Simon Tinkler 

************************************************************************************* 

If you'd like to view other stories in my collection of former leaders you can do so by clicking on the names below.

Vonnie Pitts (Veronica Canning)

Former Christian City Church Pastor and Living Waters Leader

"I was already beginning to have serious doubts about the program's success. It became apparent that anyone who claimed to be 'cured' had just gone into denial about his or her sexuality".

Kim Brett

Former Exodus - Associate Former Leader - Living Waters and Liberty Inc

"Depression, anxiety, loneliness and inner turmoil were our constant companions"

Wendy Lawson

Former Exodus Leader Melbourne

"I have come to know that nearly every member of that group is now living their lives openly as a homosexual person"

John Meteyard

Former Exodus Asia Pacific Global Alliance & Living Waters Leader and on the International Advisory Board of Exodus

"I now believe that it is crucially important that we all learn to respect the rights and choices of gay and lesbian believers as they work through the complexities of their unique situation with God in their own way and in their own time."

Paul Martin

Psychologist - Former Exodus Leader - Melbourne

"The stress of attempting to change their sexual orientation however increased risk of suicidality, and absolutely led to erosion of self-esteem and increased levels of depression and self-deprecation at a very deep level."

So much has happened since my trip to attend the Amplify Asia Conference in Hong Kong and then to the United States to attend the Exodus International conference. It would take me a week to write about it everything. But I know no one has the time to read all that! You MUST know about this though.

At the Exodus conference, in Orange County, CA, I met two lovely people Linda and Rob Robertson. The theme of the Exodus conference was "True Stories" and I could tell from the first conference meeting that there was a new authenticity coming forth from those who shared.  Linda's brother Don, an openly gay police sergeant, who works for the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department, kept saying "you must see Rob and Linda presentation tomorrow morning"(said several times for emphasis).

Of course I wanted to be there (even though I didn't know the full extent of the story) but I HAD to write a newsletter and blog about the ground breaking announcement (media release) the night before, when the president, Alan Chambers (video) said that Exodus International days were over. It took the entire morning to write so I arrived back at the conference at lunch time just as the meeting was finishing.

Linda's brother Don, kept saying to me "you should have been here"..."you should have been here"

I felt guilty but I knew I had to let supporters and friends of Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International know ASAP about that Exodus was closing its doors.

It wasn't till conference ended that I finally got to see Rob and Linda's presentation "Just Because He Breathes" about their son Ryan.

Watching on my laptop in the hotel room I began sobbing (and did for sometime later) and realised it was probably meant to be that I missed this meeting. Had I actually been there I'd have wept so loudly that I would have had to leave the auditorium.

Since commencing this work, I have heard lots of stories. And when I say lots.... I am talking 100's and 100's. Many unheard or had never been shared with anyone. Always moving ....many heart-wrenching.  Rob and Linda's story stands out as one of the most powerful of all.

Its powerful because it graphically demonstrates the tragedies that occur when Christian parents, friends, pastors, church leaders and youth pastors, no matter how well meaning, without a well-informed and balanced understanding of sexual orientation will only regurgitate ignorance and misinformation.  The impacts of ignorance and misinformation have had devastating impacts on gay and lesbian people young and old alike.

Make sure you WATCH and SHARE the video with as many people as possible. Particularly pastors, church leaders and Christian friends who are yet to understand that being gay or lesbian is not a sin, choice or can be changed.  And that holding on to these outdated beliefs is devastating individual lives and families.

This 35 minutes could change things forever.

PS: if you would like to support this recent project "The Secret Mission" then you can see the barometer and details here

You can leave comments about the video on my blog here

Why ABBI?

Enormous unnecessary suffering is caused by people's lack of understanding about sexual orientation. Ignorance in this area impacts not only gay and lesbian people themselves but families, educational institutions and workplaces. This is especially true for those from religious backgrounds and certain cultures.

• High suicide rates among LGBT youth and people from religious backgrounds
• Existence of "ex-gay" programs that attract the emotionally vulnerable and tormented with false promises of change
• Eventual breakdown of marriages when one partner believed heterosexual marriage would solve their 'problem'
• Depression and other mental health issues caused by the perceived conflict of faith and sexuality
• Self-destructive and obsessive behaviours as a result of internalized homophobia
• Religious organizations reinforcing myths & maintaining stereotypes about LGBT people & their relationships
• Fragmented relationships when families and friends reject the gay or lesbian person who 'comes out'

Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International's mission is to create understanding and acceptance for LGBTI (lesbian, gay, bisexual. transgender, intersex) people, empower community members and build bridges with religious organisations and leaders. This will be achieved by  providing education,  consultancy, resources and utilising social and media networks.

You can make a difference by supporting ABBI financially?   

You can make a one off donation or if you would prefer to set up a regular monthly donation via internet transfer and become a friend, supporter, partner or champion by using the bank details below. 

Bank:: National Australia Bank 

Account name: Ambassadors & Bridge Builders International

BSB 082057

Account Number 946347734

If you would like more information of how to become a friend, supporter, partner or champion of ABBI by giving regularly then send an inquiry email using this link info@gayambassador.com 

Supporters:

• AJB Insurance Solutions Pty Ltd offers a large range of Personal and Commercial insurance products. We provide free professional advice and obligation free quotations. We continue to provide our clients with the best products at competitive premiums. If you would like to make an enquiry please contact Anthony at Love Property provides researched property solutions for investors. We help individuals invest strategically in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Perth & Darwin. When you want sound no obligation investment property advice contact Jason at Love Property. We can get you into your first investment property for as little as $45 per week depending on income & expenses. www.loveproperty.com.au   Like Love Property on Facebook and always mention ABBI.
• Love Home Loans. Michael Luca from Love Home Loans has been mortgage broker for the past 8 years. In 2012 he was awarded AFG Home Loans Broker of the Year. Michael has great dedication to his client's needs as shown in his high number of customer referrals and returning clients. Like Love Home Loans on Facebook and always mention ABBI.

Email me to learn more about how  your company name here. info@gayambassador.com