Without a doubt, the best decision I made in 2015 was scheduling an appointment with a Christian therapist followed by the commitment to stick with the counseling sessions.
The many months leading up to that moment can be described in one word: Closed.
A cocktail of loss, doubt, and depression dizzied me. Agitation and procrastination ruled my heart and mind. Exploring my true identity in Christ, which was my goal, required facing parts of myself that I didn't want to see. So I closed my eyes.
Even though cultivating community is my passion, investing in new relationships after moving to city number 10 in a span of 14 years, terrified me. I felt too worn, broken, and needy to bring the energy necessary to create meaningful friendships. So I didn't try.
I closed even more: my creative side, my willingness to be silly and play with my kids, my sense of adventure, my Bible. I kept them all shut tight more often than I cracked them open. It was as though instead of stepping into a new beginning, I fell into portal that whisked me back to the fragile, frightened girl I was years ago.
In every direction I looked I saw piles of unhealthy patterns I either helped create or allowed.
