Representing Christ In Conflicts

"Get rid of bitterness, rage, anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other just as Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4: 31-32

Conflicts are probably the most common situation that challenge our witness in all areas of life, especially in the marketplace. There are fewer situations we face that challenge us more emotionally or mentally than that of managing conflicts.   Events, opinions, and just dealing with people, present opportunities for disagreement. These disagreements can lead to strife between us and the other person involved. So how does a person handle conflicts? In the fifth chapter of Matthew, Jesus tells us we are to love our enemies. Standing on our position in an issue can cause us to think of the other person as the enemy. To treat them with love would require such things as gentleness, patience, understanding, wisdom, kindness, and compassion. Needles to say, these are not the characteristics we normally find between two people involved in a business conflict.

In order to exhibit these characteristics in a conflict situation, we must first be able to separate the person from the issue. This can be hard to do, especially when emotions get involved. But we must understand, even though a person may be causing the issue, it is the issue and not the person we need to resolve at the moment. Resolving the issue in the right way and spirit, hopefully, can lead to resolving issues with the personalities involved.   

Recently, I had an experience where I was confronted with this principle. I found myself at complete odds with the decisions and actions of another person where we were working together. The actions taken by the person had caused enormous disruption in the unity of all concerned. My first reaction was to become angry, angry at what had happened, and angry at the person causing the problem. That anger began to fester into bitterness and rage.   

Joel Manby, in his book, LOVE WORKS, presents the idea that leading with love       

can offer success and profitability in our rough and tumble, results oriented workplace. His premise is based on the fact that true love, love that is patient, kind, unselfish, trusting, and forgiving, can win in all areas of the workplace. It does not mean that we are to be acceptable to poor performance or bad actions. But experiencing all these qualities in our  response to the person causing the problem, can open the door to resolving issues before they escalate into bitter conflicts.   

 The verse in Ephesians starts out with "get rid of". In other words, we make a conscious decision to eliminate any negative emotions. It is a decision requiring action. It is not based on our feelings or emotions about the situation or the other person. It is a conscious effort to exemplify the character of Christ that cannot normally be accomplished through our own human efforts. It takes the love of Christ in us to separate the other person, who Christ loves, from the actions that have caused the conflict. The verse also ends with "forgiving one another just as Christ has forgiven you."  I believe this verse, and the principle presented by Manby, is the only way we have of possibility settling the disagreement before it becomes something that destroys our witness. It is not easy, but I found that when I could get over "my feelings", I could work towards the problem and not at the person..