The Third Stage - Discovering The Right Path
"He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40: 11
David Jeremiah, pastor of Shadow Mountain Church in California, once stated that the marriage begins to disintegrate the moment the I do's are completed. Today, with men walking into marriage with uncertainty about their true role, and our culture feeding them the lie that it is okay to address the commitment as temporary, we can understand his comment. I heard recently where someone made the statement that we fall in love before marriage and fall out of love after marriage. All this simply points to the fact that it takes work to have a successful marriage. Todays married couples are spending a lot of energy working on their careers, the children's activities, their own self improvement, and, as a result, there is not enough left to work on the marriage.
We have observed the danger signals that come into our marriage through these first few years. We have looked at these, not in an attitude of being negative about marriage, but in the hopes of providing some warning signals and to point us to the right path of building a solid marriage. We have seen, and hopefully learned, there is a force in our world that is determined to destroy the family. But, we also know that God has provided a true and perfect path for a successful and joyous marriage. So, how do we make it through these years? What is this path God has given for a successful marriage? We can find the answer within His Word. In the fifth chapter of Ephesians, Paul presents some of the most misunderstood, and seldom applied verses in the Bible. Yet, they are the answer Jesus has given in our search for a successful marriage.
Ephesians 5: 22 starts us off on our path with the statement; "Wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord." With the attempt to be theologically sound and practical at the same time, we must understand what Paul is trying to teach us. The first question that comes to mind is - why did he start off with this statement first?
To understand, we must go back to some previous verses where Paul has used the same idea and word submit in addressing the Ephesians about their character and behavior. Paul first gets their attention by admonishes them, but then encourages them to live lives as wise followers of Christ. Paul, in using the term submit, is instructing them to be submissive to one another in order to create unity. His idea is that when we do this, we are listening and respecting one another in the Christ like character exemplified in the life of the other. Therefore, the husband must exemplify this Christ like leadership in order for the wife to allow him to lead.
It is not because men are wiser or want to be the boss, but because, as stated in verse 23, God has given the responsibility and accountability to the husband to lead his family in the ways of God. It does not mean that the wife has no authority or responsibility for input in family matters. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Those that are being led have an opportunity to express thoughts, ideas, and participate in the decision process. A good leader seeks input from those around him before he makes decisions and plans that will affect his entire family. The primary leadership is in the ways of Christ, and the primary submission is to the leadership and ways of Christ. Our whole purpose, as leaders in the family, is to bring about unity, love, respect, and faithfulness to Christ in the family.
The pattern the man is to follow is the pattern set out in how Christ leads the church. Christ is not a dictator over the church, but gives himself to the church. He guides, instructs, provides, fellowships, and points the way. It is only through a Christ like love by one, and the Christ like submission by the other, that true unity can exist in a marriage. Unity is best achieved when one is leading someone willing to follow, and someone is following one who is willing to lead.
