The Third Stage - Lies, Lies, and More Lies
There is nothing better in our life today than that of the family. In fact, it is the family unit that provides the foundation for a healthy culture. It is the family that provides security, peace, and stability for all the world. Unfortunately, it is under attack today as never before. That peace, security, and stability, we all need is eroding as fast as we can create another family unit. As difficult and unpleasant as it may be, I believe we Christians need to address the issues that cause 50% of today's families to fail.
It is the Dad and Mom who carry the responsibility for the success of the family. When looking deep into today's marriages, I find that the failures originate from one source - Satan. If he can destroy the family, he can gain a better rule over our entire culture. To accomplish this, I believe Satan releases his authority and power to get within the mind and heart of each individual Dad. His deceptive ways are enticing, and, if we are not careful, we can become entrapped, never realizing we are being deceived. There is no greater reward for Satan than to see our families destroyed and his best method to accomplish this is a lie. Unfortunately for we men, if our marriage is on shaky ground as we enter into this third stage, we can be an easy target.
Satan's first lie is that we cannot win the battle to be the man God has called us to be. Now that we are in the third stage of 10 - 20 years of our marriage, this attack can do more damage than any other. Unfortunately, in most cases, many of us do not realize we may be living under this mentality. Life itself is a struggle, never mind the marriage life. Satan, in his schemes, has made it that way hoping we would give up. He keeps bombarding us every day with thoughts and situations trying to convince us we can't win. When we give up, we give in to Satan. But we can win. 1 John 4:4 provides us the answer - "You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world."
Part of Satan's target to destroy the family is to convince us that Jesus in our marriage is not enough to make us happy, there has to be something else. His approach is to get us to treat Jesus in our marriage the same as we do in the rest of our life - He is just one more thing added to an already confused and complicated marriage. We never truly give it all to Him, and therefore, we keep seeking something or someone to fulfill the void. We tend to want to look for the answers everywhere except to the One who has the answers. "Therefore, submit to God. But resist the Devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." James 4:7,8
Over a period of years in our marriage, some men come to believe the lie that they have fallen out of love with their wives and can never love them again. Once we succumb to this lie from Satan, It then only takes a little nudge for us to believe the next lie that it was not God's will for us to marry our wife. It is amazing at how a man can pray for years for the right wife, make a diligent search out of it, be absolutely convinced she is from God, then, 14 years later when the honeymoon feelings are gone, be just as convinced he misread God's will. Yet, that statement is very - extremely - common.
The ultimate lie is that we are not suppose to be the spiritual leaders of the home. We have become passive in our responsibilities and, therefore, we cop out. How can we be that leader when we, ourselves, have not maintained a close personal relationship with Christ?. First, we need to rebuild our relationship with Christ, and that includes seeking Him on a daily basis. But also, as we seek Him, we surrender all our thoughts and actions to His leadership. Seeking and surrendering all we are to Him, gives us the motivation and power we need to overcome Satan's lies. As we do this, we accept the fact that we are not perfect, but with humility and seeking forgiveness when we fail, we can become that spiritual leader in our home.
Believing, that if he leaves, everyone will be okay is one of the most cruel lies from Satan. Sure there will be some hurt for awhile, but the kids will get over it and adjust - at least that is what we convince ourselves. Recent studies have produced some amazing results concerning the impact of divorce. Father hunger is an increasingly common experience for a growing number of children today who are being raised apart from their fathers. This only proves the absolute need for a family to have a father in the house. Another popular myth about divorce is that if parents could simply find a way to have a positive divorce, many of the harms for children could be avoided. There again, believing the lie that everybody will be okay.
Unfortunately, studies also show that in most cases of divorce, the man leaves with the belief that his case is different. Justification is the final lie. How can it be different, the role has not changed. Men have just believed the lies and denied the role God gave them. God has provided the perfect diagram on the roles in the family. Are we willing to let the Holy Spirit lead us in our understanding and acceptance of His plan, or, are we willing to surrender to Satan and his lies?
