The Four Stages Of Marriage - The Third Stage
Here we are. We have made it through two stages of our marriage. The honeymoon is over and we have faced the fact that the once perfect love of our life is not actually perfect. We have also recognized that if she had been, she would have never chosen us - hard to accept, but we have. The busy schedules of our children and the heavy responsibilities of our work have taken there tole, but we have adjusted well. For some, these past stages have gone great, but for others, it has been more like work. The romance has gone, but we are still committed to making our marriage work.
In which ever of these situations we may find ourselves, we are about to enter the most dangerous time in our marriage. Why do I say this? We are entering a time when two startling statistics are about to hit us square into the face of our marriage. It may sound as though it does not affect us, but reality says this is make it or brake it time. The first cold slap in the face is that 50 % of all couples entering into this stage will not make it through. That statistic includes both Christian and non- Christian couples. It is hard for us to accept that those who call themselves Christian, attend church, and claim to have a personal relationship with Christ, also end up like those in the non-Christian world with their marriage. Unfortunately, research tells us that we do.
The other startling statistic that confronts us is that the average life of a marriage today is but fifteen years, and we are only five years away This statistic was actually taken some years ago. Personally, from my own experience with observing and talking with other men that are separating from their wives, I have found the time to be dead on fourteen and fifteen years. The reality of this statistic is shocking. In every situation, consciously or un-consciously, boredom, passiveness, and distractions, have set a foundation into the marriage.
What is happening? Why are so many couples, especially Christians, breaking up? Marriages today are being bombarded by both our culture, and from within the person itself. We can take a look from the stand point as to how our culture is affecting our marriage. One of the main reasons, I believe, is that we no longer consider our vows as a real commitment. We need to get a grip on the fact that nothing our society puts in front of us releases us from our vows. We do, however, have to take into account Biblical reasons for divorce, and abuse that is life threatening. But, too many times these are never the cause for our not keeping our vows. Vows today are made with a whistle into the wind attitude. "Until we become dissatisfied", has now become the meaning of a vow. But let us all be reminded, a vow is a vow.
Society has also dumbed us down in our feelings of guilt and shame. We simply go on our way feeling no guilt or shame in our actions of leaving our wives and children. Even Christians have succumbed to this idea. It is remarkable what the mind can do to remove even the slightest trace of guilt or shame. Some, even use the scriptures in ways that are not sound theology as approval to walk out. Our culture has painted to many pictures for us of smooth divorces with no guilt or consequences.
Related to this, is how the guilty seem to get away with it without divine judgement. This is hard to understand, especially for those who are the ones hurt. We tend to think that if God would deal quickly with his wayward ones, it would do a lot to discourage any further temptations for others to disobey. But don't we do much the same? Don't we also hold back on any judgement of guilt and shame toward the guilty party? We are to love the sinner, but at the same time, we do need to hold those who have strayed accountable to their ways. In fact, we may even be some of the ones who actually approve of breaking the bond in marriage. What we must remember is that in the end, it is God who holds the final judgement. The Bible clearly teaches that wrong will not ultimately win out. God never smiles on disobedience, theirs or ours.
Whether we come into stage three with a successful marriage or with problems, all of us need to be sensitive to how easily it is for any of us to fall. As one of my best friends would always state: "but for the grace of God, it could be me."
