The Honeymoon is Over - Time and Trouble

As the marriage progresses in this second stage, life can get pretty busy and sometimes hectic. All sorts of things come into our life that demand our time, attention, and nurturing. They are good things, but they require attention away from our main love and, therefore, we can find ourselves drawn into a battle as to who and what gets our time and attention. 

One of the greatest blessings in marriage is having children. I really don't think there is anything that builds the relationship between two married people more than that of the birth of children and building the family. There is just something special about the love of your life carrying your children and the two of you enjoying the blessings of a family. But with this comes a challenge that is placed on the marriage. Before children, there was just you and your love. Now, both parents attention and love is split between each other and the children. As the children grow older, much more of our time is devoted to all their activities, robbing us of time with our mates. I have talked with numerous men and couples who relate how their weekends are consumed with the children's activities. To the point that by Sunday night, they have had little time with each other and are too tired and too mentally and emotionally exhausted for any romance in their life. If we continue to ignore this, not realizing the problem or the consequences, we may wake up one morning wondering what happened to the relationship we once had.

There is one other situation that can develop during this second stage of 5-10 years in our marriage. It is a pattern that began in the life of Adam and Eve. In the third chapter of Genesis, we find the account of the serpent convincing Eve that she needs to disobey God and eat of the forbidden tree of knowledge of good and evil. Later, God confronts both Adam and Eve in their disobedience. For Eve, God says;" Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." I have heard many teachings on this verse to mean that the woman will always have the desire to control, or be over her husband. Many jokes have been built around this principle, but it is no joke. It is a natural thing for women to desire to take charge in the relationship. Matthew Henry, in his commentary, states that she will want to dominate her husband. In her attempt to do this, she can try to place herself above her husband by critiquing him and turning that into a very critical spirit.

Men before we go taking this to our wives, let's look at the man's side of things. Where was Adam when all this was going on? As we read further we find that he was "with her and he ate it." (the fruit) Now, here is the first question that comes to mind - why did Adam just sit by and let this happen? God had told Adam  personally they were not to eat of this tree. Yet, when his helper, his mate was being tempted, Adam stood by and did nothing. Thus man began to develop a characteristic that is still with him today. That is to be passive in his relationship with his wife. Think about it. The saying - when a woman enters into the presence of a group of men, the men become quiet - is more often true than not. The same applies in the home. When the wife tries to take control, many men sub-come to being passive in the situation. Before the marriage, he was the man who initiated the love relationship, He was decisive and assertive. She loved it and is still looking for and expecting him to fulfill his role. But who started all this? I find it interesting that Adam was passive long before God placed this characteristic on Eve.

Many couples are able to handle these challenges and even some would not feel the threat of either. But for others, falling into one, if not all, of these categories is a real life situation. They have become too busy, too divided in their affections, too tired, and too confused in their roles. The result is to become irritated, frustrated, impatient, living with a short fuse, workaholics, and more anxiety-prone people than ever before. Many men  have become obsessed with climbing the corporate ladder. The woman, in turn, has compensated by being the super mom, trying to replace an absent father and providing all the things the kids need. She has felt the need to take over. Seeing this, he sits by in a passive mood.  

All this is building a foundation to enter into the next stage. The only problem is the foundation is built on bad soil. But there is an answer. Beneath all of this we are still in love. Marriage can be as great and wonderful as God intended.