Four Stages of Marriage

Loving Our Wives 

"If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13: 3

Why would a man want to take up the responsibility to lead his family? Why would a woman want to give her husband this responsibility and be willing to submit to his leadership? The obvious answer would be because of our love for one another. Key to this is a true understanding of love. Is love just that great emotional feeling we get, or is there something else to the meaning of love? If it is an emotional feeling that can fade as time goes by, then do we relinquish our responsibilities when the feelings fade? When we say we love someone, what exactly do we mean? 

I think the answer lies in verse 25 of the 5th chapter of Ephesians - "Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." There is a lot in this verse; there is a command, an example to follow, and an ultimate sacrifice to be paid.

First the command; we husbands are to love our wives. Our love for our wives in the first years is filled with strong feelings and emotions. However, the love Jesus commands is not based on a feeling, nor is it based on an emotion. Feelings often don't represent the true relationship between two people. For example, I may have angry or unforgiving feelings at times. Does that mean I no longer love the person? Therefore, feelings may lie and cannot be trusted. Our emotions also may take us off course and lead us into areas of no return. We discover from the verse above that nothing is more important than love, even to the point of giving our life. The problem is that many men would give their lives for their wives. But are we willing to live for them?  

When Jesus says we are to love our wives, He is saying we are to love them by living for them. We are to get up every morning and we are to wrap our arms around her and tell her she is the greatest thing that ever happened to us. It is a decision we make each day and a decision we commit to that will not be broken. We love our wives in our thinking, in our attitude, and in our actions. When we decide to love this way, our hearts and minds come to experience a joy, a peace, a contentment, and yes, a heart felt feeling of exotic joy that is unsurpassed. Love is wonderful. We live in the realm of Jesus.

Jesus set the example for us in how He loved the church. Think about who the church was. For the most part, they were a bunch of imperfect people. They were doubters, self centered, hot tempered, complaining, and greedy people. Yet, Christ loved them enough to live and die for them even with all their imperfections. He chose to do it every day whether he felt like it or not. That is the lesson for us. Let's face it guys, we are not perfect. There will be days where we really have a hard time living the example set by Jesus. The key is to get back on course and not let those days take control.. And yes, even after 48 years, those strong emotional feelings of love can still be there. 

How did Christ demonstrate His love for the church? He loved them by providing for them and caring for their every need. He loved the church by protecting them, respecting who they were, and giving honor to them in every situation. Christ loved the church by leading them into becoming the people God wanted them to be. And in the mist of all their imperfections, He also demonstrated love by forgiving them. Ultimately, Christ gave himself for the church, giving up His rights in order that they might be lifted up. Can we do the same as husbands for our wives? 

It is not an easy task, but think of the rewards. As husbands, we must make sure that our wives have the confidence that she is our queen, our sole interest, and there is no one else that could take her place. We love her with the strength and ability that only God can give. In doing so, we are satisfying her biggest need. As a result, we experience total joy in our deep feelings of love for our wife, and we have a mate that is willing to follow us to the ends of the earth and to the heights of Heaven.