Four Stages of Marriage
The Honeymoon Stage
Well, we tied the knot. Life is absolute bliss. All the things we heard and dreamed about being married to the true love in our life have come true. In fact, it is even better than we thought. Emotions are running high. This is how we hope it will be for the rest of our life. Surely, nothing can take us away from our devotion to one another.
"The man said; This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called woman for she was taken out of man. for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2: 18 - 24. Notice here that the man, upon leaving his father and mother, shall bond with his wife. In other words, he has left the security, provision, and the deep family unit, to begin a new family unit. Now, it is his wife who becomes his greatest companion, his helper and partner, and his greatest spiritual and emotional support. He takes with him what his father and mother have given and now begins to give that to his new family. He is to leave all else and look to her as providing all he needs to be a complete man.
Becoming one flesh, however, is a process and not something that is instantly done on the completion of the vows. Two people with different backgrounds, different personalities, and in most cases, completely opposite in just about everything, don't leave the honeymoon vacation and arrive to the perfect union. It is a life long endeavor requiring a lot of wisdom, patience, and submission from each partner. And it starts in the first five years with the man leading his family with the Word of God.
I place this honeymoon stage in a time frame of these first five years. It is a time of really getting to know one another and starting the marriage off on the right foundation. During the dating process, we sometimes don't really see the person we think we know. It is only after living with them in their real world that we learn some things we never knew before. I am reminded of the couple who were madly in love with one another and spent every moment they could together before the marriage. After taking her home from a date, the guy asked if she wanted to go fishing with him the next morning. She cannot wait until they are together again, so he tells her he will pick her up at 3:30 am and off they go. Well, about a year after their marriage, he asked her again and her response was - absolutely not, she hates fishing and is not about to get up at 3:30 am.
Those first five years are a very exciting time in that it is also a stage of building. We not only are building our marriage, but we are building our careers and our family, The foundation for our building should be God's Word. The man, because he has been given the primary responsibility to "tend the earth"(Genesis 3:23), races out each morning building his position in the marketplace. The more he builds, the more his self image and confidence grows. And in many cases, the woman is out the same door, but with different feelings and purpose. In many situations, the woman's work provides a supportive role. From the beginning, God has built in her a God given tender heart for her home(Genesis 3:20). Even though she may own her own business, her heart is filled with the God given devotion to her home.
Part of any successful marriage is each one understanding and accepting the role and responsibility of the other. The man must understand that it is the home where his wife's heart lies. This is her domain, this is where she satisfies her basic need for security and love. When he enters it, it is with kindness, understanding, appreciation, and encouragement to assist her in any way to meet those needs. The woman, recognizing that it is her husbands duty to be the primary provider, is also kind, understanding, thankful, and encouraging. She can be his greatest supporter to reaching his potential in his work. We all know that behind every successful man is a great woman.
Those first five years are an exciting time as we get to know one another better. It is a time of great romance and learning what love is really all about. In the first five years of marriage, we live off some very powerful emotional feelings. They are absolutely wonderful romantic feelings. And they say we men are too macho to love romance. We married because we were in love. But what is real love and what does it have to do with marriage?
