Four Stages of Marriage

Why We Get Married

Why would anyone want to get married today? Sounds cynical? Sounds down on marriage? Well let's think about it. What we are asking is for two imperfect people, who are probably completely opposite, to agree to live with each other under any kind of circumstance, and for a entire life time. At least that is what we claim when we say the I do's. But once said, statistics tell us only about 50 percent of marriages remain after 20 years, and that includes those who call themselves Christian and were united under the power and authority of God. 

A friend recently relayed to me after attending a wedding of a close friend who was getting married. It seems their friend had been married before for about fifteen years and now was entering a commitment for the second time. My friend was somewhat taken back that this person could restate those same vows of sickness and health, rich or poor, and until death do us part, when they had broken their commitment on the first marriage. It seemed more like those words were more of ceremony than vows.

Back in my day of the 50's and 60's, most people got married because it was the expected thing to do. We received our education and then we married. Today, that has changed. A large number of people today wait for a number of years before they tie the knot. And when they do, the vows of total commitment have been changed to essentially - "until we get tired of one another".  At least they are honest. In either case, why do people get married? Some get married because they are lonely, others marry someone because the person is known as a spiritual and much admired individual who promises an unrealistic future. Yet, still others marry because they have been living with someone and marriage makes their relationship legitimate. And, of course, many get married because they are in love with one another. I have an aunt and uncle who are now in their 90's and have been married for over 70 years. They still sleep cuddled up with one another. Their only argument still today is who loves the other the most.

The real and natural reason we get married is found in the eighteenth verse of chapter two of Genesis; "The Lord said it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." God never intended for us men to be alone. He had given us the responsibility to work and take care of the earth (Genesis 2:15), but God also knew that we would need some help. That is one of the most missed principles in the relationship of a man and a woman. It is the idea of someone who assists another to reach complete fulfillment. This word, helpmate, is also used in other places as one who rescues another. Just think, God used a woman to do all this for man.  Later in verse 24, God states- "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." So, from God's perspective, we are to marry so that we will not be alone, and that we will have someone in whom we have become so close, that we are like one person. And that person will be there along side of us to help us in all we do.We will see later that this person will also come to fulfill another great need in our life - the need to love and be loved.  We will be a team, working together to accomplish God's purpose and realizing God's total joy and completeness.

Notice, also, God had chosen someone that was suitable for Adam. She would be the one who would provide the missing pieces in his life. It is a beautiful picture when we are able to look at it from God's perspective. God has brought that one particular person to Adam and He does the same for us today. It is amazing when we realize that it is the Lord who personally prepared our helper for us. We may be different in a lot of ways, but it is these differences that make the pieces in the puzzle of our life fit.

Marriage is an institution all over the world. It is something we do for many reasons, but mostly, because it is ordained by God to bring us completeness in purpose and joy. But even so, with something as beautiful as this gift is from God, it is one of the most difficult  challenges in life. I believe there are four stages of every marriage. It is understanding what is going on in each of these stages, along with a complete commitment to God, that enables us to reach that completeness and joy. But it is also answering the question of why we got married.