"Can You Hear Me Now?" Listening for the Voice of God
I recently witnessed a big argument between a husband and wife - I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was awkward; there were just the three of us, and a lot of raw emotion. After this lovely event, the husband and I un-packed what happened. He told me fervently: "I'm a good listener." Not wanting to burst his bubble, I asked him if he might have mistaken "being quiet" with listening. What ensued was a conversation about how challenging it is to listen when we just want to "fix" the problem or are emotionally hijacked.
There is an organization called the International Listening Association and they report that we spend only 45% of our time listening. Furthermore, we are distracted 75% of that time. The average attention span of a human is a whopping 22 seconds. Within a few hours of speaking with someone, we forget 80% of what we have heard. How then can we learn to hear each other? How then can we hope to hear the voice of God in our lives?
Now, before we go much further, while it is asserted that men are poor listeners, this is not a gender issue. We don't have any data suggesting that men are any worse than women at listening. We certainly don't have any such data from God.
What we know for certain from our work with men is that men both need to be listened to and need to learn how to be better listeners. This is why, when we meet, we always give men an opportunity to tell their stories and ask the rest of the group to really listen deeply, or "listen contemplatively," to one another.
In The Sacred Art of Listening, Kay Lindahl writes about what we try to achieve when our men meet:
"There's something beyond technique when two or more people are deeply listening to each other. It is an awareness that not only are we present to each other, we are present to something that is spiritual, holy, sacred."
So listening really is a spiritual practice that involves paying attention, being present, and hospitality. More importantly, while contemplative listening is a gift we give each other, it is also an essential part of discernment, where we are listening for God's voice in our lives. So how then can we become better contemplative listeners? It takes practice.
How to Practice Contemplative Listening
You can practice contemplative listening informally or use the following formal practice with a partner. This is an exercise you can do in pairs, where one person listens while the other person speaks.
Speaker Instructions:
- Speak without interruption for 3 minutes
- If you run out of things to say, stay silent
Listener Instructions:
- Give the speaker your full attention
- Don't ask questions
- You can quietly nod your head to reassure the speaker that you are listening
- If the speaker is silent, sit in silence with them
- At the conclusion of the 3 minutes, say "I hear you"
Suggested Discussion Topics:
- Where God is showing up in your life
- What you are struggling with in your spiritual journey
At the end of 3 minutes, switch roles. At the end of the exercise, spend time talking about your experience with the exercise.
As the listener, you'll notice that, just like meditation/contemplation, you'll be distracted by your internal chatter and perhaps some judgment about your performance. Simply notice your thoughts and feelings and let them go.
Like any spiritual discipline, you'll need to practice to grow your contemplative listening skills. Finding one other man to do this work with, or using this practice within a small group, will help. Please let us know how you are doing, or ask us a question, by emailing feedback@illuman.org
UPCOMING MEN'S RITES OF PASSAGE:
Please pray for the success of the upcoming Rites of Passage and consider inviting a man to attend:
Australia: August 20th - 24th at Somerset Dam, Brisbane. To learn more please contact Center for Men Australia at +6133761120
The Tri-State Region and Central Pennsylvania: September 18-22 at Krislund. Questions may be directed to Central PA Convener, Paul Meister, (814) 777-8112, meisterman747@gmail.com. For more information and to register click here.
