How often have you recycled good intentions? So many of us have picked up the same overdone New Year's resolutions time and again without achieving the desired results. The most common resolution, and I surely identify with it, is to lose those holiday pounds (and then some more). Eating less and exercising more add detail to that plan. Or maybe we want to get on top of our finances. To make progress on the career search or retirement plan. To get a grip on stress. We try and try again.
Last week, we explored the world of "Why?" Why do I want this change and why do I want it now? Do I take personal ownership of the reasons for change, and do they arise from my deepest values? This week, we are taking another look at ourselves, and the question is "How?" How will I succeed now, when I have fallen short in the past?
One side-effect of recycled resolutions and a history of missing our targets is that we lose confidence in our ability to change. We don't believe the promises we make to ourselves. It is, therefore, useful to focus some effort on building ourselves up, reminding ourselves of the things we do well and applying that knowledge to the challenge before us now.
We all have different strengths. We all, therefore, have different tools in the toolbox we can use for lasting change. I am a fan of author Martin Seligman, the father of Positive Psychology. Seligman encourages us to honor and draw upon our virtues rather than dwelling on our shortcomings. He has developed the Values-in-Action (VIA) Survey of Character Strengths and offers it freely online (you do have to register to access the website). For more information, check it out below under "Writing to Grow."
In addition to identifying and relying on our strong suits, we can draw confidence and energy from past success. Research shows that companies building on what they do best succeed, whereas those that focus on problems to correct fall short. The same dynamic can be applied to individuals striving to improve their personal performance. (See below for a link to Appreciative Inquiry, which explores those findings in more detail.)
When evaluating today's challenge, it helps to recall a past experience of dealing effectively with similar circumstances. A few years ago, I struggled to pass an exam that entailed role-playing as a life coach for an examiner playing the client. After dancing with despair for months of doing it poorly, I looked for past success to learn from, and found a college Spanish class. The coaching process entailed speaking a type of "new language," using vocabulary and syntax that differed from social conversation. I recalled the pattern drills I used for a new language decades earlier, applied them to the current situation, and passed with honors.
We all have successes to draw from, though it may take some creative effort to recall and match them with your current needs. When did you have a more active lifestyle? What made it fun and rewarding and helped you keep it up? How might that apply today? When did you eat smaller portions and find them satisfying? When did you sleep well? When did you smile more and argue less? What can you learn from the past and do differently today?
