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Sharing the Journey
A Year of Growth and Change
Issue 6: January 30, 2015
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Greetings!
Thank you for joining me and a small community of buddies on this adventure. We will explore key principles of personal growth, combined with guided reflection and journal writing to make changes that lead toward healthier, happier lives.
Go well!
Pam
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Nuts and Bolts
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Thank you for signing up to share the Wellbuddies journey of personal growth for the coming year. Each weekly email will feature one principle of intentional change. Each will also offer questions designed to stimulate your own reflection and journaling. In addition, throughout the process I will suggest books and other resources that provide options for going deeper on related topics.
We have a "secret" (visible only to members) Facebook group for those who wish to share experiences and encourage one another. Later today, I will send an email invitation to those of you who do not yet belong to the group. Please feel free to decline if you don't "do" Facebook or if belonging to a group is not your cup of tea.
If you have any questions, feedback, or suggestions on format or content for Sharing the Journey, please contact me at wellbuddies@gmail.com.
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| Says Who? |
Even if you were not a rebellious teenager, you probably recognize that phrase. Unsolicited advice from peers, direct orders from authorities, and well-intended recommendations from experts tend to trigger the forces of resistance. Behavioral scientists have identified autonomy as a primary driver in the motivational complex. We are born helpless and spend the rest of our lives fighting to control our own lives. Honoring the need for self-determination is critical to effective change. We may well know what we want to do, but we also ask, "Who says?" and "Why?"
Your doctor tells you to change your diet. Your partner nags about smoking. The kids send articles on the benefits of exercise. You may try to change, just to get them off your case. However, the urge subsides before long unless you move beyond the wishes of others and connect with your own deeper reasons for taking action.
I want to feel fit and strong so that I enjoy skiing again. I want to stop taking so many meds. I want to save, so that I don't worry about bills. I want to enjoy family visits by dropping unrealistic expectations. I want to wake up and smile.
Most of us can see the value of owning the change we want to make. It is more compelling to act on our own values than on the opinions of others. There is, however, a more subtle "other," whose advice we also resist. That "other" is the harsh inner critic who yells when telling us what to do. Though we think it's our own, that voice has no more success than the doctor, partner, or child. We hear it and push back.
Listen to yourself: I should work out more often. I need to get the cookies and chips out of the house. I've got to say no to more overtime. I must pay my bills on time. Practice re-phrasing in positive, personal terms: I want to start running again. I long to sleep more soundly. I look forward to wearing fitted clothes. I am working to express gratitude and look for the silver lining more consistently.
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Writing to Grow
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Go back to the broad themes you identified for improvement, and the one you selected last week for immediate attention.
Review that choice. Is it still your highest priority? (Do you want to begin with healthy eating or, on review, do you think stress management or career issues come first on your list?)
Review, refresh, or add detail to your vision of success a year from now
Ask yourself why you want to make the change involved, and why it is so important to do so. Generate as many reasons for change as you can come up with.
Review your reasons.
- How many reasons come from the opinions, advice, and preferences of other people (family, friends, experts)?
- How many reasons are expressed in the voice of your harsh inner critic? (Look for should, need to, and other telltale signs.)
- Re-phrase each reason to begin with: I really want...I look forward to...I'm excited about...My fondest wish is to...
- End each statement with an expression of your personal, deepest reasons for change: ...because I want to have more energy...because I want to make a difference in the world...because I want to return to sports I enjoy...because I want to help others while paying serious attention to my own needs.
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From the Bookshelf
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For suggestions on a variety of personal growth topics, follow this link to the Resources page of the Wellbuddies website.
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Going Deeper: Reflections on Challenge and Change
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Check out my new book on Wellbuddies website. Signed copies only $10, delivered in or around Missoula, MT. Add $4 for media-rate mailing (PayPal available) Also available in paperback or Kindle formats on Amazon.com |
Pam Gardiner
Wellbuddies Coaching
wellbuddies@gmail.com
406-274-0188
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