Messages From the Herd

I thought after 20 plus years of saying goodbye, the grief would have been gentler. Not so... for as far too many us have come to know - Alzheimer's is not that kind.

On the heels of the Wooden Horse, my mom passed away ...though she'd been leaving piece-by-piece and memory-by-memory since before I became a mom myself.  I walked out of the care home with my sister, each of us feeling deep loss... not just for our 80 year old mother, but for the life, joys and dreams she never got to live and we never got to share.

When I got home, I found myself out with the herd. Each horse paid their respects, softly approaching and nuzzling me in turn, all except Grace. She was waiting for me - on the far side of the field. I walked out to her, tears mixing with rain. I tried to say her name but it caught in my throat. 

I needed her to turn into me - to offer the solace she was so known to give. She held back. I felt alone. I sat down on a large rock, numb to the cold and the rain. I put my head in my hands and the ground blurred. I raised my hand to wipe my nose and my eyes and as I did, a nose touched my head. She had come. Grace was standing above me. I bowed my head again, warmed by her breath. Then all too soon, she moved away. I wanted more so I moved to follow. She moved away. We danced this way for a time until I stood still again in the rain. 

She turned to face me, and there, past my tears, I could see my watery self reflected in her eyes. Then as if her voice could speak into my heart, I heard/felt, "We don't have to be touching to be connected." 

There it was. Words of Wisdom from Grace - as always just what I needed even though initially, I believed I needed more. I thought of my mom, whom I'd never touch again and felt the grief ease, remembering the Hafiz quote... I could always lean my heart close to her soul... We would always be connected...

I bowed my head and walked back to the house. As I took my coat off and left it to hang, I thought again of my mom and of Grace's lesson. My eyes found her standing where I'd left her and as I whispered thank you - she raised her head and walked out of the rain.

Grace...

As with all things in this newsletter, I am a bit behind but hope you are still able to opt-in to this amazing series. 

Here is a note from Dr. Jenn about the series and about the session we had which airs on the 21st...