Thank you for your e-mail.

I am sorry that I am unable to respond to your email right now. I am currently out of my office without access to e-mail, cell phone, landline phone, U.S. mail, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Post-It note, smoke signal, or personal contact of any kind. I have been -- Raptured!  

I do not have an exact date of return at this point. However, I will be returning in approximately seven years. I'll be the one riding on a paint horse (I used to own a paint horse whom I loved with all my heart). So, who knows, maybe he will be allowed to give me one last ride! I will be following behind the Savior Jesus, whom you can't miss (seriously, EVERY eye will see Him). He will be riding on a white horse, bigger than life, and will be entering from above like a LION!  

So, if I do get this figured out and if you happen to get the above auto-reply from my e-mail -- first I want to say how sorry I am that you are here and not with me in heaven. Regardless of whatever wild and crazy (or even plausible and acceptable) story you have heard on the news or rumored around town, I have not run off, been abducted by aliens, I am not in hiding, have not been chemically evaporated, or anything of the sort. So, don't believe any of that stuff.

Here's what happened: I was going about my business as usual -- and then suddenly I heard a trumpet sound. It was loud and it was beautiful and it was coming from the sky! Then I heard (although I have never physically heard His voice before, but I just KNEW it was Him) the voice of Jesus saying, "Sandy come up here!" WOWIE -- KABAM -- as they used to say on the old Batman shows when I was a kid!  I was instantly lifted up into the air and met a bunch of other people there, some who had already died on this earth and we all got brand new bodies. No more dry skin, no more hard of hearing, no more heartburn. I mean PERFECT eternal bodies. Amazing! And I saw Jesus and I promise you that I am having WAY more fun than you are. I don't say that to gloat AT ALL! I really don't!  

But I am SO happy that I cannot stop myself from sharing with you what I am doing right now. I am meeting my paternal grandpa (who died before I was born) for the first time! We are laughing and hugging and touching each other's faces. And I am reuniting with tons of other loved ones that I have not seen in years! And others that I loved on earth but never got the chance to meet face to face. But -- better than all that -- I have seen the face of Jesus, my Savior! Wow!  

Back to my auto-reply:

Again I am SO sorry that you are here reading this auto-reply. If I failed to warn you that the Rapture was imminent, I am SO very sorry! And if I did warn you and you did not listen or thought I was nuts -- well, I'm still SO sorry. There are some things I need you to know right now. First, you still may have a chance to accept Jesus as your Savior so please do it NOW.

But you need to know that making this decision at this point could very likely cost you your life -- and that (death) might be the good news. The bad news is that there are some very tough times ahead on this earth and I am not exaggerating! I am certainly no Bible scholar or whiz kid but I do know that the first thing you should do right now is find a Bible and turn to John 3:16. Read that and then turn to Romans 10:9. It says "that if you confess with your mouth, Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved."  

Accept the free gift of salvation ASAP and then go to RaptureReady.com or LambLion.com or OliveTreeViews.org if you can, and read as much as you can. Those are three of the best places I know of that are reliable and full of truth and you should be able to find all the answers to the many questions I'm sure that you have right now about what has happened -- that is, where everyone has disappeared to, and what to expect in the near future and where to find comfort and help to survive. Then begin sharing what you know with everyone who will listen.