In The SpotLight!

January, 2016

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"Ask yourself this question: 'Will it matter a year from now?'" Richard Carlson

Personal Note from Janet

As we begin another new year we often have a vision of how we want our lives to be better and we may create some goals around this. Most of us have all good intentions to act on these goals though many of us lose motivation and focus as time passes and not much changes.

I encourage you to commit to your goals more strongly and create a system of accountability so that you have more support in following though with your goals and good intentions. Some people have an accountability buddy where they hold one another accountable to take action on their goals. It is helpful to have a source of external accountability with another person to further reinforce your motivation to follow through.

While most of us like the idea of making changes to improve our lives, we often have tendencies to fall back into our old patterns (otherwise known as our comfort zone). It takes focus and effort to change our ways, especially at the beginning of a change process. And it takes persistence and determination to sustain a change process once the change is in motion.

A lot of the effort expended relates to pushing up against our resistance to change. When we release resistance and invite a willingness to change, everything gets easier.

I hope this New Year is a great one for you and that you make changes that improve the quality of your life, both personally and professionally.

I would be happy to help you make changes in the area of speaking or performing anxiety this year. I can be a source of accountability for you to take actions that will help you approach this challenge in a much better way. If you would like my help, please let me know.

I have shared my GPS system for approaching speaking or performing events in a more calm and confident way and I will share it again here for those who are newer to our community and who have not yet seen it. It will also provide a good refresher for those who have seen it and who can benefit from being reminded that we need to follow a better roadmap to get to our desired destination.

https://www.performanceanxiety.com/pdf/gps.pdf

FYI...

Several people have asked me about my coaching and if I work with clients who have issues they'd like to discuss beyond the fear of public speaking and performing. Yes, I do! While many clients seek me out to work on their stage fright issues, quite a few have continued to do coaching with me around other life issues as well. I enjoy the coaching work I do and I'd be happy to help you with the fear of public speaking or performing as well as other issues you may want to talk over with me. Given my work as a therapist working with clients who have a range of life challenges, I'm very comfortable discussing issues beyond the challenges you may have with speaking or performing. Please reach out to me if you'd like my help and I'd be very happy to meet with you via phone, Skype, Face Time (or in-office, if you're local).

The Next Workshop:

The next Getting Over Stage Fright workshop will be held on January 16-17th, 2016. Please sign up as soon as possible as there are only a few spots left! I hope you'll be able to join us for a very positive and powerful weekend. This will be a fantastic way to start off your New Year!

The workshop is a truly valuable experience and I hope you'll consider attending (or coming again, if you've already attended, as some others have done in taking the workshop two or more times for reinforcement). Here are some comments from a couple group members from past workshops. I hope that hearing about the positive experience of others will help you feel inspired to attend.

You can find more information about the workshop at https://www.performanceanxiety.com/upcoming_workshop.htm

"This workshop totally changed the way I have perceived and handled my public speaking anxiety. I had several epiphanies over the two days that I know will finally stop my avoidance behavior and get to work on building upon the foundation gained here. It was a huge breakthrough for me and feel it will be the catalyst for change and improvement in many aspects of my life, not just public speaking. I would highly recommend this program!"

K.B., VP of Sales

"I could not be happier that I decided to attend this workshop. It has been so incredibly helpful! The tools we learned are by far the most useful parts of the workshop. It was really helpful that we had so many opportunities to practice them." M.S, Attorney

See http://www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm

to read more comments about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear.

Ask Yourself More Empowering Questions

Many years ago I attended a series of seminars with Tony Robbins, a leading figure in the area of personal performance. One thing that has always stayed with me from listening to Tony is the power of questions.

Questions focus our minds and guide the direction of our thought process, either for the better or for the worse. We need to be more aware of the questions we ask ourselves so we harness the power that comes from asking ourselves better questions rather than allow our questions to fuel negative emotional states.

For example, when we are feeling fear, anxiety and self-doubt around public speaking or performing, we tend to think in ways that fuel these feelings and we may ask ourselves disempowering types of questions such as:

- How am I ever going to get through this?

- What if people see how anxious I am?

- What if I have another episode of panic as I've had in the past?

- What if I freeze and forget what I am going to say?

- How will I face the embarrassment if this happens?

- Why can't I be like others who don't have this problem?
- How can I get out of this?

As we can see, these types of questions will quickly disempower you and propel you in a downward spiral of doom and gloom thinking. It is impossible to cultivate feelings of confidence and strength when asking yourself these kinds of questions.

Now let's consider the types of questions that will help redirect your mind and move it in a more positive direction when you are feeling fear, anxiety and self-doubt around speaking or performing. Some questions you may want to consider include:

- How can I prepare for my talk (or performance) in the best way possible to help me feel very comfortable with my material?

- What are the tools I can use to help me best manage any fear and anxiety that come up, both in anticipation and during my event?

- How can I stay connected to my adult self and remember all of my strengths and capabilities and the past successes in my life?

- How can I best serve my audience and offer them something that can be helpful to them?

- How can I keep perspective on this and not blow it out of proportion (e.g., Would I rather be a presidential candidate doing a debate or would I rather give this presentation or performance)?

- How can I lighten up and not take myself so seriously?

- How can I move my self-concerns out of the way so I can really connect with the people in my audience and not make this about me?

- How can I support myself as fully as I would a best friend or loved one who was facing this type of challenge?

Clearly, these types of questions will help to empower you and allow you to build more confidence and strength by encouraging inner support. They will also help to direct your mind away from self-focus and egos concerns and encourage a healthy perspective.

See if you can move into the new year asking yourself a better set of questions that direct your mind to think in a more positive and powerful way. You may want to do this in other areas of your life as well, and not just with speaking or performing, and notice how much better it feels use the power of questions to empower you in all areas of your life.

Action Steps:

1. Reflect on your vision for the new year around public speaking or performing and the goals that will help you achieve this vision. Consider how you will be more accountable to make this vision happen and take the action steps you need to take. Also reflect on the kinds of questions you tend to ask yourself and commit to asking yourself more empowering questions related to public speaking or performing and in all areas of your life.

2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Nancy at nancy@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.

3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com and/or www.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.

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I send my heartfelt thanks to you for being a part of our

In The Spotlight community. I hope to have the opportunity to help you make progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help.

Warm wishes,

Janet

Janet Esposito, M.S.W.

In The Spotlight

PO Box 494

Bridgewater, CT06752

860-210-1499

jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

www.performanceanxiety.com

Janet's Books and CD

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