In The SpotLight!

July, 2015

Please Note: If you want to be sure to continue to receive my newsletters and announcements (and not have them end up in your Spam folder) please be sure to add our address to your address book or your list of approved senders. Past newsletters are archived on my web site at www.performanceanxiety.com/newsletter_main.htm.

"Stress is a function of the views we take of events, not the events themselves." Ellen Langer, PhD, Professor of Psychology, Harvard University."

Note from Janet

We had another wonderful Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop in May. This was my 76^th class with over 825 people having attended over the past 17 years! It always amazes me to see how healing it is for group members to be around other people who share the experience of stage fright and deeply understand what it is like to have this fear. Sometimes we feel so alone and as though we are the only one in the room (or on the planet) who has this fear (especially to this degree). Take heart knowing that there are many, many people who have very similar feelings and experiences as you do.

Interestingly, I recently came across some well-known people and celebrities who have stage fright. It is an inspiration to know that they did not allow their fear to stop them from stepping out into the world in a big way. You can take a look at these links for some examples of this:

http://fortune.com/2015/01/12/richard-branson-on-how-to-calm-public-speaking-jitters/?inf_contact_key=fb4d42abec11a7f104da1e00e6af0df9d0089a540778e23aa43113aba264c5a2

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/michael-douglas-goes-back-to-where-he-began/

http://styleblazer.com/175997/15-celebrities-who-suffer-from-stage-fright/12/

Several people have recently asked me about my coaching and if I work with clients who have issues they would like to discuss beyond the fear of public speaking and performing. Yes, I do! While many clients seek me out to work on their stage fright issues, quite a few have continued to do coaching with me around other life issues as well. I enjoy the coaching work I do and would be happy to help you with the fear of public speaking or performing as well as other issues you may want to talk over with me. Given my work as a therapist working with clients who have a range of life challenges, I am very comfortable discussing issues beyond the challenges you may have with speaking or performing. Please reach out to me if you would like my help and I would be very happy to meet with you via phone, Skype, Face Time (or in-office, if you are local).

The Next Workshop:

The next Getting Over Stage Fright workshop will be held October 3-4^th. I encourage you to sign up as soon as you can so we hold a spot for you and you get a discount for early registration. I hope you will be able to join us for a very positive and powerful weekend!

The workshop is a truly valuable experience and I hope you will consider attending (or coming again, if you have already attended, as some others have done in taking the workshop two or more times for reinforcement). Here are some comments from a couple of group members from past workshops. I hope that hearing about the positive experience of others will help you feel inspired to attend.

You can find more information about the workshop at https://www.performanceanxiety.com/upcoming_workshop.htm

"This workshop totally changed the way I have perceived and handled my public speaking anxiety. I had several epiphanies over the two days that I know will finally stop my avoidance behavior and get to work on building upon the foundation gained here. It was a huge breakthrough for me and feel it will be the catalyst for change and improvement in many aspects of my life, not just public speaking. I would highly recommend this program!"

K.B., VP of Sales

"I could not be happier that I decided to attend this workshop. It has been so incredibly helpful! The tools we learned are by far the most useful parts of the workshop. It was really helpful that we had so many opportunities to practice them." M.S, Attorney

See http://www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm to read more comments about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear.

Choosing a More Positive View of this Fear

In reflecting on the quote noted above about stress being a function of the view we take on events, not the events themselves, it is clear how we stress ourselves out about public speaking or performing.

One of the things I always notice (and challenge) with my coaching clients and at my workshops is how we use language to describe our feelings, and our view, of public speaking or performing. I often hear things such as, "I dread this." "I hate this." "It is a killer." "I would rather do anything than do this." and many other highly charged and dramatic statements similar to these.

While this language may convey our immediate visceral, emotional reactions to our experiences with this fear, it can also scare us more when we use language to describe our experience in this way. It can demonize these activities in our minds and create a fixed view of speaking or performing as a terrifying and dreadful thing.

The more we use this type of language (in our own heads or spoken aloud), the more we reinforce this very negative view of public speaking or performing and feel as though we are at the mercy of a villain when we have to speak or perform.

We clearly need to change our view, and our language, when thinking about or speaking about this fear. There is something referred to as "transformational language" which captures a changing view of something rather than a fixed view of it.

Applying this idea to public speaking or performing, it would mean that you might smile to yourself and say something like "I used to dread public speaking/performing but now I am beginning to see it as a challenge I can learn to deal with. I am learning to use some helpful tools to manage my anxiety about it so it is starting to feel a bit more manageable."

In speaking in a more positive, optimistic way about the challenges you experience with your fear of speaking or performing, you remove the negative emotional charge and drama from your thoughts and feelings about it. You introduce the idea that you can change your view and experience of it and you are not a victim to this fear.

How we view and language our feelings and experiences often happens automatically and is a conditioned behavior. In order to change this, we need to pay attention and listen closely to how we think about and talk about public speaking or performing.

We need to catch ourselves as soon as we see ourselves thinking and speaking in negative, pessimistic (and dramatic) ways about it. Then, we need to consciously choose to think and speak about it in more positive and empowering ways. When you change your language, your view tends to change along with it. When you use more positive and empowering language, chances are you are going to also feel more positive and empowered in facing these challenges.

Action Steps:

1. Use any setback or mishap while speaking or performing as an opportunity to practice resilience and strengthen your ability to bounce back as quickly as possible. Be sure to use your mind to support you rather than getting caught up in upset and frustration that this has happened. Learn any lessons there are to learn from this and then practice letting go and moving on.

2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at nancy@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.

3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com and/or www.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.

4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please pass this newsletter along to anyone who may benefit from it, but please be sure to keep it intact. If you do not wish to continue receiving this newsletter or any other announcements, simply respond to this email with the word "Unsubscribe" in the subject line and your name will immediately be taken off of our mailing list. If you have any difficulty reading this HTML formatted newsletter, please let us know. Email webmaster@performanceanxiety.com.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I send my heartfelt thanks to you for being a part of our In The Spotlight community. I hope to have the opportunity to help you make progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help.

Warm wishes,

Janet

Janet Esposito, M.S.W.

In The Spotlight

PO Box 494

Bridgewater, CT06752

860-210-1499

jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

www.performanceanxiety.com

Janet's Books and CD

Book cover CD cover