In The SpotLight!

May, 2015

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"Anybody can have a good day on a good day. How we face the days of struggle, temptation & fear is the measure of who we are. Enjoy the good days. Grow stronger on the tough days." Thom Rutledge

Note from Janet

I encourage you to take a look at a TED talk given by Monica Lewinsky. It is quite inspiring to see her appear back in the public eye, given the shame and humiliation she suffered many years ago. So many of us fear public shame and humiliation, and this is a testament to the courage it takes to rise above that and take a bold stand about your right to express yourself, no matter what. Hopefully it can inspire courage in you to not allow the fear of humiliation and embarrassment to get the upper hand. She is also a great speaker, so it is a very interesting talk to listen to and learn from. Check it out here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_8y0WLm78U&list=PLbpi6ZahtOH7h9OULR1AVb4i8zo0ctwEr&index=1&feature=inp-em-w58-19

Several people have recently asked me about my coaching and if I work with clients who have issues they would like to discuss beyond the fear of public speaking and performing. Yes, I do! While many clients seek me out to work on their stage fright issues, quite a few have continued to do coaching with me around other life issues as well. I enjoy the coaching work I do and would be happy to help you with the fear of public speaking or performing as well as other issues you may want to talk over with me. Given my work as a therapist working with clients who have a range of life challenges, I am very comfortable discussing issues beyond the challenges you may have with speaking or performing. Please reach out to me if you would like my help and I would be very happy to meet with you via phone, Skype, Face Time (or in-office, if you are local).

The Next Workshop:

The next Getting Over Stage Fright workshop will be held May 16-17^th. There are a only a few spots left so I encourage you to sign up right away if you are interested in attending. I hope you will be able to join us for a very positive and powerful weekend!

The workshop is a truly valuable experience and I hope you will consider attending (or coming again, if you have already attended, as some others have done in taking the workshop two or more times for reinforcement). Here are some comments from a couple of group members from a recent workshop. I hope that hearing about the positive experience of others will help you feel inspired to attend.

"This workshop totally changed the way I have perceived and handled my public speaking anxiety. I had several epiphanies over the two days that I know will finally stop my avoidance behavior and get to work on building upon the foundation gained here. It was a huge breakthrough for me and feel it will be the catalyst for change and improvement in many aspects of my life, not just public speaking. I would highly recommend this program!"

K.B., VP of Sales

"I could not be happier that I decided to attend this workshop. It has been so incredibly helpful! The tools we learned are by far the most useful parts of the workshop. It was really helpful that we had so many opportunities to practice them." M.S, Attorney

You can find more information about the workshop at

http://www.performanceanxiety.com/upcoming_workshop.htm.

See http://www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm

to read about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear.

Bouncing Back from a Setback

A former client contacted me a couple months ago as he had recently had a setback after having made a lot of progress in his experience with public speaking. He was deeply upset and frustrated that he had this setback as things had been going along so well for quite some time.

One of the first things we had to work on was his attitude and thought process about the setback. His frustration and upset were actually making the whole thing much worse than it had to be. He had to work on acceptance that this happened and not making it such a huge deal in his mind. I had to help him refocus on getting back to the basics he had learned several years back to get himself back on track again.

Our egos don't like the idea of having a setback and we want to believe we are immune to this happening. The truth is, some people (though not all) have setbacks at times, with public speaking or performing or any other life issue that has been a challenge for them.

Some things that can prompt a setback include additional stress, higher levels of responsibilities and demands on your time and energy, less sleep, and neglecting self-care. These things don't necessarily cause a setback, though they can be a catalyst for one.

The main thing to do if a setback happens is to not overreact. We have to take it in stride and normalize it given it happens to plenty of people in many areas of life (including diet, exercise, finances, and other personal goals).

Practice acceptance and be as compassionate and supportive towards yourself as possible. Speak to yourself as you would a loved one if this happened to him or her. And guide yourself back to the fundamentals with the focus on getting back on track as quickly as you can.

You may want to read my books again, listen to my CD and/or have a coaching session with me for additional guidance and support.

Another good thing to do is to reflect on what may have precipitated the setback and what lessons may be learned from this. Setbacks can be a rich opportunity for reflection and personal growth. You may need to make a few adjustments to reduce stress, do better with your self-care, or reinstate the mental preparation prior to speaking or performing that you may have let slide.

Ask yourself what lessons can be learned rather than bemoaning the fact that you had a setback. Use this as an opportunity to practice being resilient and bouncing back from a back slide.

This is an important skill that you can apply to any speaking or performing experience if you have some type of mishap or start to head in the wrong direction. Instead of worrying that things are going to unravel and start to spiral downward, it is essential to practice resilience and learn to bounce back quickly. It is an invaluable skill to have.

And, after learning the lessons that are there for you, practice the very important skill of letting it go and moving on. We so often hold on to things that distress us and we need to learn to quickly let it go. This is certainly another invaluable tool to add to your toolbox.

Action Steps:

1. Use any setback or mishap while speaking or performing as an opportunity to practice resilience and strengthen your ability to bounce back as quickly as possible. Be sure to use your mind to support you rather than getting caught up in upset and frustration that this has happened. Learn any lessons there are to learn from this and then practice letting go and moving on.

2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.

3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com and/or www.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.

4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.

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I send my heartfelt thanks to you for being a part of our In The Spotlight community. I hope to have the opportunity to help you make progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help.

Warm wishes,

Janet

Janet Esposito, M.S.W.

In The Spotlight

PO Box 494

Bridgewater, CT06752

860-210-1499

jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

www.performanceanxiety.com

Janet's Books and CD

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