In The SpotLight!

March, 2015

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"If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be." Maya Angelou

Note from Janet

This has been a very challenging time for me with the sudden, unexpected death of my 93-year-old aunt just a couple days after Christmas. The experience of having my aunt come to live with us for such a short time and then pass away in the way she did has really driven home the lesson of learning to live with the uncertainty and unpredictability of life and the fact that there are many things that are not within our control.

I had another experience with uncertainty and unpredictability and not feeling in control when an ice storm suddenly hit our area on the Sunday morning when I was on my way to the workshop (as did some group members who were not staying at the hotel). Driving on ice was certainly a scary experience and not something I wish to repeat. At the same time, it was an empowering experience as I practiced courage and worked to calm and support myself during a very stressful circumstance.

So many of us seek predictability and control around speaking or performing, as well as in other areas of our lives. In these recent situations where I was blindsided by things that felt so unpredictable and outside of my control, I learned more about letting go of the need for predictability and control and trusting in myself to handle whatever I had to handle. I also learned to have faith that things would ultimately be okay.

While things are easier and more comfortable when they feel predictable and within our control, we really build mental, emotional and spiritual muscle when we meet life on its terms and handle things that bring us well outside of our comfort zone.

I have decided to share any Pure Inspiration stories when I receive them (with the person's permission, of course) rather than share them in a regular column. If you have a success (big or small) that you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me with your first name (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity) and job title and/or the field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter.

We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear.

The Next Workshop:

The next Getting Over Stage Fright workshop is being planned for May 16-17^th. Even though it seems like quite some time from now, I encourage you to sign up as soon as possible if you are interested in attending. You will benefit from the Early Bird Registration Discount if you sign up early (and the Quick Action Discount too if you sign up by March 2^nd, which is today!). Once we fill the workshop we will be creating a waiting list, so act now if you know you want to attend to be sure to hold a spot for yourself.

The workshop is a truly valuable experience and I hope you will consider attending (or coming again, if you have already attended, as some others have done in taking the workshop two or more times for reinforcement). Here are some comments from a couple of group members from a recent workshop. I hope that hearing about the positive experience of others will help you feel inspired to attend.

"This workshop totally changed the way I have perceived and handled my public speaking anxiety. I had several epiphanies over the two days that I know will finally stop my avoidance behavior and get to work on building upon the foundation gained here. It was a huge breakthrough for me and feel it will be the catalyst for change and improvement in many aspects of my life, not just public speaking. I would highly recommend this program!"

K.B., VP of Sales

"I could not be happier that I decided to attend this workshop. It has been so incredibly helpful! The tools we learned are by far the most useful parts of the workshop. It was really helpful that we had so many opportunities to practice them." M.S, Attorney

You can find more information about the workshop at

http://www.performanceanxiety.com/upcoming_workshop.htm.

See http://www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm

to read about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear.

Learning to Be Comfortable in Your Own Skin

We had another amazing group of people attend the January workshop. A number of things stood out in the group experience, though one thing that really resonated through the weekend was learning to be comfortable in your own skin when you are in front of others.

Group members initially struggled with giving themselves permission to be who they really are. This is a classic struggle with those who have performance anxiety. There is a need to prove oneself to others, which often leaves us with the feeling of somehow not being good enough and the feeling of not meeting up to the expectations and standards of others (or our own personal standards).

We often have a fear of not looking "normal" due to the worry that our fear and anxiety will show and we go to great lengths to try to hide this from others for fear of looking like something is wrong with us. We often judge ourselves harshly for having this fear and we believe others will likewise judge us harshly.

We often compare ourselves to others (and to our own standards of how we think we "should" be) and feel like we don't measure up. We often feel very frustrated and upset with ourselves for not being as we think we should be.

We are so afraid that if we show our true selves to others, we will be found lacking. We go to great lengths to hide ourselves and cover up as much as possible so we conform to how we think we should be and how we think we should look to others.

As the group started to openly and honestly share more about their vulnerabilities around this fear and revealed more of their true selves in a supportive, accepting environment, some amazing shifts began to happen. Group member started to take a strong stand for themselves in having a right to be who they are and having a right to express themselves in front of others in whatever way is true for them.

It was truly wonderful to watch people expressing their imperfect, authentic selves without embarrassment or shame in being who they are. It was beautiful to see people letting go of comparing themselves to others or to their ideal standards and, instead, fully accepting and embracing their unique individuality and their right to be who they are.

I invite you to get a taste of the lightness and liberation that can take place when we deeply accept, embrace and appreciate our imperfect, authentic selves rather than try to conform to our own or anyone else's expectations for who we should be.

While on one hand, it is very simple to be who we really are (and much harder to try to be someone or something we are not), it is also not easy to deeply, fully, and completely accept our imperfect selves. Yet it is a path worth pursing as it leads towards true freedom as we release our own self-judgment and our fear of judgment from others.

Action Steps:

1. Practice taking a stand for yourself in knowing you have the right to be who you are and express yourself in whatever way is true for you. Whenever you feel fearful or self-doubting, try to use this as a perfect opportunity to practice full, unconditional, 100% self-acceptance. This inner support is one of the best things you can give to yourself when you feeling fearful and it can begin to heal the deeper roots of this fear related to releasing self-judgment and the fear of judgment from others.

2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions

about the workshop.

3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com

and/or www.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s)

and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.

4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.

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I send my heartfelt thanks to you for being a part of our In The Spotlight community and I wish you the very best in this New Year. I hope to have the opportunity to help you make progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help.

Warm wishes,

Janet

Janet Esposito, M.S.W.

In The Spotlight

PO Box 494

Bridgewater, CT06752

860-210-1499

jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

www.performanceanxiety.com

Janet's Books and CD

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