A Personal Note from Janet

I was just reading a recent issue of O Magazine, where the theme of the month was on creating happiness. It got me thinking about all the times people have told me how their speaking or performing anxiety has taken a huge toll on their mood - often for days, weeks, and months ahead of time. 

People report feeling lots of anxiousness, stress, tension, irritability, frustration, and general moodiness. This pre-speaking or pre-performance moodiness often affects peoples' sleep, as well as their daytime wellbeing, and the quality of their relations with others (especially those closest to them, who may decide it is best to stay out of their path as much as possible at those times).

While many people get very upset, frustrated, and resentful over how much their speaking or performing anxiety takes over their lives, they tend to quickly succumb to their moods and feel powerless over them, rather than actively attempting to challenge - and change - these moods (and not giving in so easily).

There are some things we can do to influence the pre-speaking or pre-performance bad moods that we often get into and not see them as an inevitable part of the process of approaching a speaking or performing event. In fact, if we consciously do things to change our mood and disposition for the better prior to the event, we are more likely to pave the way for a more positive experience of the event itself.

Several years ago I decided I was not willing to have a speaking event take over so much of my life in anticipation of it. I started to focus my mindset on being more positive and did things to create a lighter, brighter, and calmer disposition while I awaited upcoming speaking events. I did things that helped me to feel good and relax my mind and body, as well as to focus my attention in the present rather than give in to preoccupation about the future event.

I created a more optimistic attitude through setting a positive intention for how I wanted to experience the upcoming event and visualized creating that experience as much as possible when I did think about the event. And if I found myself overthinking the event, I would quickly redirect my mind to more present-oriented things so as not to allow it to take up too much of my mind space.

I am not suggesting that these things were easy to do, especially at the beginning stages of my change process, but it certainly beat helplessly standing by and watching my bad mood and attitude take over. And I noticed the more I would put in these efforts, the easier it would get - just like many other things in life.

The articles I read about happiness suggest the same thing. That with conscious attention and focus, we can actually "prime the pump" for creating more happiness, rather than passively letting circumstances determine our moods and disposition.  

Some of the things mentioned in the articles that can help influence a positive state of mind and brighter spirit are listening to uplifting music; involving yourself in things that make you smile and laugh; having peaceful quiet time that creates a feeling of serenity; focusing on creating positive meanings in things that happen day-to-day; considering all the things you have to be grateful for and taking nothing for granted; exercising and engaging in good self-care; doing things that lighten your spirit and that you enjoy doing; surrounding yourself with beauty and taking time to appreciate it; connecting with others who are positive and who make you feel good to be in their company. 

Consider the things that make you happy and bring a smile to your face and consciously attempt to bring more of those things into your life as you await a speaking or performing event. See if this might help to improve your mood and disposition in the waiting time, as well as pave the way to feel better when the event actually arrives. Create a positive intention for your next event and try to keep your mind focused on that intention whenever thoughts of the event come up and see what happens. It sure beats sitting around in a bad mood and feeling frustrated and resentful about what you are going through.

Grace Under Pressure

Most people who know me know that I am not a sports-oriented person and know little to nothing about what is happening in the sports world. (I have even been known to schedule a workshop on Super Bowl weekend without realizing it!) Well, this year I was more aware that Super Bowl weekend was happening and I paid some attention when I saw a top athlete being interviewed on a morning show the day after his victory play. 

When asked how he was able to handle such pressure, knowing the success of the whole team was riding in his hands, he calmly stated that he simply focused on the task at hand, didn't think about the implications of getting it right, and let go of the last play that didn't go as well. We can all learn some lessons from this wise man about how to handle the pressure of speaking or performing more gracefully.

First, focus on the task at hand. When we put all of our attention on getting the job done, there is very little room for all of the mental distractions that often plague us - thoughts such as how anxious we feel, what others might think if they see how nervous we are, how we are falling short of what others expect of us (and what we expect of ourselves), how we are not measuring up, and on, and on, and on. How can we possibly do our best and be at our best when all of this mind chatter is going on? We need to discipline our minds to stay focused on our true purpose and the immediate task at hand.

Second, don't think about the implications of getting it right. When we are thinking about what the (potentially negative) consequences might be of our speaking or performing event, we are not living in the present moment and we are distracted from putting our full concentration and focus on the task at hand. We can easily scare ourselves when we forecast ahead and think about the negative implications of not "getting it right" (which equals "failure" in many of our minds). We can also easily distort these negative predictions, making the stakes seem unbearably high and the cost of not getting it right seem catastrophic to our reputation and success in life. It would have been very easy for this player to succumb to the pressure of thinking about what he stood to lose if he didn't get it right. Instead, he put all of his focus and attention on doing his best in the present moment and didn't allow his mind to wander to the future implications of his present actions.

Third, he let go of the last play that didn't go as well. Most of us find it very difficult to let go of things that disappoint or distress us. We often end up holding on to old memories and associations of past speaking or performing experiences that didn't go well (or difficult moments in the midst of speaking or performing). This player has trained himself to let go of any negative experiences that may have happened and quickly rebound from them so they would not undermine his power in the present. In this way, he does not fuel any self-doubt, wondering if a "bad" experience might happen again. Clearly this self-doubting state-of-mind can lead to major distraction and the potential to create a self-fulfilling prophesy by focusing so much attention and energy on the thing one fears. Once again, this player does not allow his mind to wander but keeps his focus on the here-and- now task at hand.

I encourage all of us to learn some lessons from this Super Bowl star player and begin to consciously practice these "three golden rules".  One overriding theme in what gave this player such power under pressure is that he kept his mind absolutely present-focused, concentrating on the immediate task at hand, and not allowing his mind to wander to the future "what ifs" or to any past distressing moments that would undermine his power in the present moment.  Let's try to use this powerful athlete as a role model and practice his winning formula so that we, too, can perform with grace under pressure!