In The SpotLight!

May, 2014

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" ...what if we learned to rethink our relationship with stress? To welcome the stress response as our body's way of gearing up for peak performance?" Robin L. Flanigan

Personal Note from Janet

I was just reading an article by Robin Flanigan entitled "A New Spin on Stress" and found myself intrigued with the idea of welcoming pressure and stress rather than trying to avoid it. Shawn Achor, a contributor to the article, states "Every moment of high human potential occurs in the midst of challenge and stress. If you want to see what you are capable of, you have to see stress as a challenge instead of a threat."

I have been someone who has been willing to take on some forms of stress and pressure that have been within my comfort zone, such as writing a couple books. On the other hand, I have been reluctant to push myself too hard at times with other types of stress and pressure that have felt outside of my comfort zone, such as speaking at high-level events.

I was thinking about top athletes and other high level speakers and performers who have had to face major performance challenges and clearly they have had to learn to respond adaptively to higher levels of stress and pressure. This article goes on to say, "When people are taught to interpret signs of performance anxiety (racing heart, sweaty palms and so on) as signals that the body and brain are amping up to maximum efficiency, they tend to achieve better results."

Most of my clients (myself included) have become very afraid of our bodies "amping up" and have interpreted these feelings and sensations as a loss of control rather than as a signal that our bodies are getting ready for maximum efficiency. We clearly have to learn to interpret the activation in our bodies differently to not be afraid of this feeling.

If we undertook a rigorous physical challenge, we would get out of breath and a bit shaky if we pushed ourselves outside of our comfort zone (e.g., lifting heavier weights than we are used to lifting or running a longer distance than we are used to running). Generally, we would not be afraid of these feelings as we would accept them as part of pushing ourselves to meet a high level challenge, knowing we are getting stronger in the process.

We need to see our mental challenges in the same way. We may feel a bit out of breath and shaky when we undertake a bigger challenge with speaking or performing. Similarly, we need to accept these feelings as part of pushing ourselves to meet a higher-level mental challenge, also knowing we are building inner strength in the process.

If you are considering coming to my workshop (or thinking about attending again if you need some further reinforcement), I hope you will take action and sign up very soon for the next one in May. I would love to help you further, either by working with you in a workshop and/or doing some personal coaching with you. It is hard to go this road alone and it is amazing how much progress you can make when you have the proper support in place.

**A Request for Support**

Recently someone had emailed me about my work and had made a couple comments that got me thinking that I need to ask for more support from our In The Spotlight community. While he affirmed the good work that I am doing, he noted that there have been very few Amazon book reviews in recent years on either of my books (In The Spotlight or Getting Over Stage Fright) and also noted that I have relatively few followers on Facebook. So many people have told me how helpful my books and my work have been to them. So, in the spirit of asking for support for my work, I would greatly appreciate it if you would write a review of one or both of my books on Amazon and/or friend me on Facebook (link below) if you have found my work to be helpful to you. Thank you for any support you can give to me and my work by allowing others to know that my work has been helpful to you in some way.

A Few Things to Note...

The next Getting Over Stage Fright workshop is being planned for May 17-18th. There are only a few openings left so please sign up as soon as possible if you are interested in attending. Once we fill the workshop we will be creating a waiting list, so act now if you know you want to attend.

The workshop is a truly valuable experience and I hope you will consider attending (or consider coming again, if you have already attended, as some others have done in taking the workshop two or more times for reinforcement). Here are some comments from a couple of group members from a recent workshop. I hope that hearing about the positive experience of others will help you feel inspired to attend.

"This workshop totally changed the way I have perceived and handled my public speaking anxiety. I had several epiphanies over the two days that I know will finally stop my avoidance behavior and get to work on building upon the foundation gained here. It was a huge breakthrough for me and feel it will be the catalyst for change and improvement in many aspects of my life, not just public speaking. I would highly recommend this program!"

K.B., VP of Sales

"I could not be happier that I decided to attend this workshop. It has been so incredibly helpful! The tools we learned are by far the most useful parts of the workshop. It was really helpful that we had so many opportunities to practice them." M.S, Attorney

You can find more information about the workshop at

http://www.performanceanxiety.com/upcoming_workshop.htm.

See http://www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm

to read about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear.

One final thing: I would love to receive more inspirational stories of your successes (big or small) for future issues of this newsletter, so please be sure to write me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com and share your positive experiences to help inspire others. Also, I would love to receive other helpful and inspiring resources - books, CDs, videos, web sites - so I can pass along this helpful information to others. My heartfelt thanks to you for contributing to our In The Spotlight community!

Pure Inspiration

This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others. If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me with your first name (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity) and job title and/or the field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter. We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear.

Here is an inspirational story from a client who had taken my workshop last year and who had a follow-up coaching session with me. She wrote this note in an email to the group and gave me permission to share it with others:

I would like to give the group the latest update. I just finished a big presentation this week at a conference in front of a group of 150 colleagues, including the CEO and execs of our company. It was an important presentation and I have been preparing for a few weeks now.

Well, happy to report that I think it went really well. In fact, the feedback was extremely positive and I even heard a few comments that it was the best presentation of the day. The nerves were there,but they seemed to take a back seat.

I wanted to share this with everyone because I think I have made a bit of a mental breakthrough with regards to my approach to speaking. I am almost done reading Janet's second book, and a big takeaway from that book was regarding how we think about speaking and our general attitude.

I have been forcing myself to get excited about speaking and really focus on the fact that this is a personal achievement for me that will feel great when I face this head on. Basically replacing feelings of fear when they come up, with feelings of excitement and positivity. Almost forcing myself to be a stronger person about speaking and my abilities in general.

I honestly think it has worked because I felt standing up there that I was connecting with the audience in a big way, slowing myself down and just enjoying the moment. And that typical adrenaline rush was not present like it has been in the past; and I think that is because I trained myself to shut that feeling down when it would come up the weeks before the speech.

Jennifer S., National Consulting

Transforming Fear into Excitement

I was just talking with a coaching client who commented on not liking the feeling of an adrenaline rush, especially when she first starts to speak. She was amazed by people who actually like the feeling of adrenaline and who even seek it out in other activities (such as skydiving) and who don't mind it when it happens with speaking or performing situations.

People who seek out adrenaline producing experiences are often people who interpret these feelings as excitement rather than fear. While I know that it can feel like a big stretch to many of us who dislike/hate/are terrified of the feeling of an adrenaline rush, it is important that we intentionally choose to interpret these feelings as excitement arising from stepping up to a challenge.

You can come up with a mantra that reinforces this feeling such as "I am ready for this challenge!" or "I choose to feel excited when I step up to challenges like this! or, as my client chose to say to herself, "I've got this one!" You can imagine that Olympic athletes need to mentally train themselves to channel any feelings of anxiety and fear into feelings of excitement and readiness. And they likely say some very empowering and confidence-building things to themselves before they step up to the challenge at hand.

Here are a couple of resources of an article and video that reinforce the importance of consciously cultivating feelings of excitement and confidence in our minds and bodies when we step up to challenges. The first link is to an article on some research done that found that focusing on excitement rather than relaxation can help more with performance anxiety and the second link is to a TED talk that a former client had sent to me about research on the importance of creating body language that creates feelings of confidence.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/12/131223083917.htm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks-_Mh1QhMc

I am a believer in having many tools in your toolbox and it makes a lot of sense to add these important tools to more readily access your strength and power when you face your speaking or performing challenges.

Some steps you can take to help yourself learn more tools to deal with this fear include reading (or re-reading) my two books, listening to my CD whenever you need further support and guidance, taking my workshop (and taking it again if you want further practice and reinforcement), and/or setting up a coaching session with me.

Action Steps:

1. Practice cultivating feelings of excitement and confidence as soon as you are asked to speak or perform and continue to reinforce these feelings all the way through to your speaking or performing event. Anytime you feel fear and anxiety, see if you can use it as an opportunity to channel these feelings into excitement and readiness to step up to the challenge at hand. And come up with a mantra such as "I've got this one!" and smile as you create a confident posture to reinforce your more powerful self.

2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.

3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com and/or www.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.

4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.

Something else to consider:

Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receive support with others. The address for this discussion board is

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.

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I hope to have the opportunity to help you make further progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help.

Warm wishes,

Janet

Janet Esposito, M.S.W.

In The Spotlight

PO Box 494

Bridgewater, CT06752

860-210-1499

jesposito@performanceanxiety.com

www.performanceanxiety.com

Janet's Books and CD

Book cover CD cover