Pure Inspiration

 

This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others.  If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me with your first name (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity) and job title and/or the field you work in and I will include it in a future newsletter. We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear.

 

 

Here is an inspirational story from a few years ago from a coaching client who lived abroad:

 

I'm an American journalist based in Europe and have often been asked to speak at conferences and events but have usually come up with excuses to avoid doing them. A few months ago I was asked to be the dinner speaker at a business club, and this time, I agreed.  

 

I spent most of the two-hour train ride reading through notes from my phone sessions with Janet, re-writing the main points and concentrating on several key thoughts that work for me, such as: I don't have to prove anything to anyone; I'm not there to impress these people; I'm doing my best and that is good enough; life goes on, no matter what happens; this event is small potatoes in the grand scheme of things, and so forth.

 

I arrived about two hours early in the hotel where the event was taking place, checked into my room, and then went to the event hall. I counted about 120 seats. I walked up to the lectern and stood behind it, imagining I was giving my speech. I felt rather relaxed, realizing this wasn't the big, imposing room I had imagined. I went back upstairs, practiced my speech once and then went through the positive thoughts a few more times, feeling increasingly relaxed.

 

When I joined the gathering guests at the scheduled time, I was at first unnerved. These were business and political leaders from the community, most at least 15-20 years older than I, dressed in suits--an impressive looking bunch and all taking time from their busy schedules to listen to me!

 

The guests were having drinks before my dinner speech, so I used this time to try to humanize them as much as possible, to lock into my mind that these were normal people, with normal lives and problems and concerns, much greater than what I was confronting now. I tried to put the event into its proper place: an important event certainly for me at that moment, but something that would likely be forgotten by the audience in the following days, if not hours.

 

I tried to focus on the guests, rather than on myself. I looked closely at people as I spoke with them, imagining major problems they may be coping with, such as a death in the family. I thought my speech is really not such a big deal to these people. There are more important things. I did feel anxious, but I decided to embrace it and think, it's normal to be anxious and even good, as it can make me sharper.

 

As the guests began to move into the main hall, I felt surprisingly relaxed, even excited a bit. As the host of the evening introduced me, oddly, I seemed to feel even more relaxed. I remembered thinking that this moment I would probably feel the most anxious, but that turned out not to be the case. The speech went fine. It lasted about 30 minutes, and then was followed by about 45 minutes of Q&A, which the host later told me was much longer than normal--a positive sign.

 

Needless to say, it was very empowering to stand up there and field questions from this group. Of course I wanted to do well. But I realized that even if I hadn't, it would've been all right. In the days before the event, I said to myself that this was not a test of what I have learned from Janet, as I probably would've looked at it before. But rather, just a chance to share some thoughts on a topic I know about.

 

If I were to sum up what ultimately worked for me I think it was that I had instilled so strongly in my mind these positive thoughts that there was no time or space in there for any of the negative thoughts that used to plague me. I still have a ways to go in combating this anxiety but there's no question anymore that I will overcome it.

C. A., Journalist

 

 

The Power of Courage and Optimism as We Face our Fear

It is the perfect day for me to be writing about the power of courage and optimism, as I was just feeling fearful and pessimistic earlier today. Not about speaking this time, but about driving in winter weather conditions, which are being forecast for tomorrow. Driving in winter weather has run a close second to public speaking for me in triggering fear and negativity, especially after having had a few close calls over the years.

This time, though, I caught myself. I caught myself fueling negative thoughts that were making me tense up. I caught myself envisioning a very slippery and unsafe ride to and from work and possibly getting stranded and unable to get back home in the dark. I caught myself worried that I might need to cancel clients and how hard it might be to reschedule them for this week.

I was about to add another worry to the list when I caught myself creating a scary and pessimistic story in my head as I engaged in foreboding thoughts about tomorrow. I reeled myself in, realizing that this was a perfect opportunity to practice courage and optimism. As soon as I saw clearly what I was doing, stopped myself in my tracks, and decided to practice courage and optimism, I felt much better. While the external situation had not changed, my focus clearly had.

It reminded me of something I had read recently that I found inspiring:

"Our bravest moments are often the times we feel terrified, painfully vulnerable, and unsure of what might happen next - and yet we act. There is nothing particularly brave about doing something you're not afraid of or that has a known outcome. It's when you're scared that you need courage. It takes courage to allow yourself to be vulnerable and exposed to the unknown, to risk failure, criticism, and rejection." Marianne Elliott

So, each time you feel afraid of public speaking or performing, or anything at all, try to use it as an opportunity to cultivate courage and optimism rather than going down the rabbit hole of creating scary, negative stories in your head.

Pessimist thinking goes hand in hand with fear. We tend to engage in doom and gloom, catastrophic thinking when we feel very afraid. Our self-created stories take on a more and more negative spin and serve to fuel our fear even further. Before we know it we are caught in a very vicious cycle and often end up feeling very overwhelmed and helpless.

We can change these patterns by consciously choosing to think more like an optimist, who takes a more positive view of life. I was recently reading something about optimism that resonated with me:

"Most pessimists are not pessimistic about everything. Their pessimism flourishes in certain important areas...Train yourself to think like an optimist and you will gradually become one, with a resultant improvement in your moods and your view of yourself and others." Jurriaan Kamp

Allow this to be the year that you consciously choose Courage and Optimism over fear and pessimism when you face any challenges you may have with public speaking and performing, or any other life situation. The more we practice anything, the stronger it becomes, so it is very important that we choose to practice more positive qualities that serve us, rather than negative qualities that undermine us.

Some steps you can take to help yourself learn more tools to deal with this fear include reading (or re-reading) my two books, listening to my CD whenever you need further support and guidance, taking my workshop (and taking it again if you want further practice and reinforcement), and/or setting up a coaching session with me.

 

 

 

Action Steps:

1. Try to catch yourself whenever you start to go down the rabbit hole of fueling fear and pessimism and stop yourself in your tracks as quickly as you can. Instead, see the situation as an opportunity to practice Courage and Optimism and use your challenge to strengthen these muscles instead.

 

2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge.  This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com with any questions about the workshop.  

 

3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com and/or www.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s) and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.

 

4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.

 

 

 

Something else to consider:

Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receive support with others. The address for this discussion board is

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/speakanxiety.

 

 

 

 

More Information on Getting Over Stage Fright 

 
More Information on In The SpotLight CD

 

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