"Without fear, there is no such thing as courage." U.S. Olympic Gold Athlete

A Personal Note from Janet

I want to share with you something I heard recently, which touched me as I thought about my own process with this fear and how I chose to use my voice to help others, rather than continue to shrink away from the challenge because of all of the years of anxiety I had suffered when it came to speaking in public.

"There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action. And because there is only one of you in all time this expression is unique, and if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is, nor how valuable it is, nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours, clearly and directly, to keep the channel open..." Excerpt of Martha Graham speaking to Agnes DeMille

It is important for all of us to express our unique selves in this world and not continue to shrink away in fear and self-doubt. No matter what our past has been with this fear, so be it. Do not dwell in what has been, but look to what can be now, both in the present and in the future.

Change truly is possible for all of us. We need to believe it is possible, no matter how great our fear and self-doubt has been. We need to not give in to self-defeating attitudes and feelings of frustration and helplessness that many of us have fallen prey to at times. We need to look to others for support and inspiration. We need to create a determination inside of ourselves that we will not give up on ourselves and we will not allow ourselves to 'play it small' in the world.

We have special gifts and talents that we bring to the world that no other individual can bring in the same exact way. We need to celebrate our unique and authentic selves, instead of comparing ourselves to others or to some standard of how we think we 'should' be, and give to the world in a way that is true and genuine for us. That is called 'playing full out' - when you no longer allow fear to stop you from fully expressing yourself in the world.

We must also remember to be patient with ourselves, and to honor our own process and the pace that is right for us. We need to recognize that the process of change is often slower than we would like, and often more subtle in its day-to-day manifestations. We need to keep putting one foot in front of the other, brushing off our knees and getting up again whenever we fall short of our hopes and expectations, looking for the good in ourselves and acknowledging our efforts and our smaller accomplishments along the way, and encouraging and supporting ourselves every step along the way to keep going, no matter what!

We also need to remember to seek out the support and encouragement of others, especially when we are struggling and feeling so alone in all of this. I feel very blessed to be doing this work and to be helping so many wonderful, intelligent, capable, and talented people to bring their unique expression more visibly and audibly out into our world!

Coping on the Spot with Fear and Anxiety

Recently I was reading a book called Coping With Anxiety: 10 Simple Ways to Relieve Anxiety, Fear, and Worry, by Edmund Bourne, Ph.D. and Lorna Garano (see listing on my web site at http://www.performanceanxiety.com/books_cds.htm if interested). Edmund Bourne has also written other books on anxiety, including The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook (also listed on my site), and he does some great work in helping people learn to manage their anxiety, whatever the source or focus of their anxiety might be.

Coping With Anxiety has a chapter called "Coping On The Spot", which inspired me to write about this topic in the current newsletter. I encourage you to consider reading this book, and other books by Ed Bourne, as his books have many good ideas about dealing with all facets of anxiety.

Part of what helps us to better cope with the anxiety of speaking or performing is how we manage our anticipatory anxiety, as this sets the stage for the baseline of anxiety that we carry into the situation. While it is important that we learn to effectively manage anticipatory anxiety, it is also equally important to learn to better manage the fear and anxiety we feel when the moment arrives and it is time to speak or perform.

People with performance anxiety generally have much terror and dread as they anticipate this moment, when the room quiets down and they are 'on'. We need to consider a strategy to approach this moment when the floor is turned over to us, so we don't end up feeling like "a deer in the headlights", as though we are facing some type of deadly peril.

In coping with anxiety on the spot, it is most important that we first allow and accept the fear and anxiety that arise within us, and whatever physical symptoms we have in that moment that give expression to these feelings. We need to learn to not be frightened by or resist these feelings, as reacting in these ways almost always spirals the feelings upward.

This is not the time to engage in a struggle within yourself - to be upset with yourself or frustrated and angry with yourself over feeling so anxious and afraid. This is the time to learn to be as kind, supportive, and encouraging towards yourself as possible. When you are feeling highly anxious and afraid, it helps immensely to create an accepting, compassionate and positive attitude and voice within yourself so you feel more internal support and connection with yourself as you are moving through this challenge.

When we are feeling so anxious and afraid, we often get caught in a fear spiral as we focus on scary things, think fearful thoughts, and contemplate scary images of what bad things might befall us (the "What Ifs"). We need to consciously shift our focus away from the scary thoughts and images and focus instead on things that help us feel more safe, secure, and supported (you may want to review my books for more specific ideas about how to do this).

We need to focus on our strengths rather than on our vulnerabilities and we need to say things to ourselves that are positive, affirming, and encouraging (sometimes referred to as coping statements or self-affirmations). Even if you don't fully believe in these positive statements in the moment you are saying them to yourself, it is important to "act as if" they were true, as this gives you a positive focus and direction to move toward.

You might also imagine a strong, positive person right by your side, supporting you each step along the way, so you don't feel so alone. Or you might imagine being that person for the moment, and think about how he or she would step up to the challenge at hand, and then take on the same attitude and approach that you imagine this person would use to stay strong and confident in the face of challenges.

It helps to ground yourself in your physical surroundings and notice things in the room if you are feeling highly anxious. It also helps to look closely at individual people in your group or audience and to humanize them and see them as real people. It helps to focus your eye contact on those who are most open and friendly, and to ground yourself in feeling the support of these connections.

If you feel particularly intimidated by certain people because of their status or power in the hierarchy of an organization, or because they may appear distant, hostile, or judgmental, it often helps to imagine the vulnerabilities and sorrows that these people may have in their lives, and realize they are human just like you - no better or worse than you.

Finally, some things to consider as your turn arrives to speak or perform: 

- Take a pause and a slow, deep breath before you begin and try to stay grounded in your body (as feelings of disconnection within yourself can increase feelings of fear and anxiety). One way to do this is to feel the sensations in your feet and toes and feel your feet planted firmly on the ground. And be sure to keep taking slow, rhythmic breaths.

- Take the focus off yourself as much as possible and focus on your true purpose for being there and the message you have to give your audience.

- Focus on individuals in the room and speak to the individual people (or perform for them) rather than speaking to, or performing for, a more amorphous group.

- Shift your focus off the discomfort inside of you, as this focus tends to increase the symptoms. Keep your focus as much as possible on the material and content you are delivering to your audience.

- Realize you can speak or perform even with a high level of fear and anxiety, and most often, it is either not noticeable to your audience or only mildly noticeable. If you start to spiral while you are up there, take a pause and breathe deeply, and then ride the wave of anxiety until it passes. Sometimes even coughing for a few seconds can help release some of the inner pressure and anxiety.

- Remember that this is not a proving ground so don't put your self-esteem or self-worth on the line. Don't put additional pressure on yourself by making this into a test or pass/fail situation. Tell yourself that you will simply be yourself and do the best you are capable of doing, and that will have to be good enough.

These are just some of the things you can do to "Cope on the Spot". I invite you to consider other ways that you can be resourceful in dealing with the fear and anxiety of that moment, and write them down as your own personal strategy for what works best for you. You may want to write a few notes on an index card and carry it with you to your speaking or performing event as a reminder of what to do when those fearful or anxious moments arise, as sometimes we forget the things we can do to help ourselves when we most need it.