"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." Ralph Waldo Emerson

What type of Inner Voice Do Have Residing In Your Head?

What we say to ourselves at any given moment is of critical importance in shaping the way we feel. Some of us have inner voices that actively criticize, discourage, and demoralize ourselves. This is where the saying comes from, "I am my own worst enemy."

How unfortunate it is that we even have a well-known saying like this, as it indicates that many people can identify with this way of treating themselves. Others of us may not put ourselves down on a regular basis, though we may not have developed inner voices that actively support and encourage ourselves, especially when we are facing our most difficult or challenging moments.

A few months ago I was reading a book called Embracing Fear by Thom Rutledge, which characterized these inner voices as the BULLY voice and the ALLY voice. In sharing this concept with some of my coaching and workshop clients, some people have really identified with that BULLY voice - the voice that says unkind things to you; the voice that fuels your insecurities; the voice that undermines your confidence; the voice that looks for all that might go wrong and makes you believe that you will end up failing in some way.

The ALLY voice is a completely different voice - this is the voice that stands up for you, no matter what; this is the voice that says supportive and encouraging things to you; this is the voice that looks for the good in you and your situation and reminds you of this when you are scared or doubting yourself; this is the voice that gives you reason to believe in yourself, to trust yourself, and to have faith in yourself. The ALLY is the voice of someone who cares about you and wants the best for you, whereas the BULLY is the voice of someone who is negative, judgmental and hypercritical.

The interesting thing about bullies is that they put on an act of being tough and strong, but they are usually quite weak and insecure and back down if strongly confronted. So, if you have a BULLY voice, be sure to firmly stand up to that voice and not give it any power to undermine you.

Whether or not you have a BULLY living in your head, it is important to cultivate the ALLY voice, which is the voice that will be your biggest supporter and friend. How wonderful it is to hear your ALLY's voice anytime you feel anxious or unsure of yourself. Your ALLY is there to soothe, comfort, support, and encourage you. Your ALLY is there to help you feel safe and secure. Your ALLY is there to remind you of all the best that you are and all that you are truly capable of. Your ALLY is there to treat you with kindness, compassion and love, to believe in you, and to remind you that he/she is there for you and you are not in this alone.

So, STOP THE BULLY in his/her tracks, if this voice is living in your head. And INVITE THE ALLY to take up residence in your head if he/she is not living there already. It is amazing how this shift can radically transform your inner experience, especially during your most challenging moments.