"Faced with ambiguity and uncertainty, I can choose to believe things will work out for the best." Julia Cameron

Improve the Quality of Your Beliefs & Inner Dialogue

I was watching a segment of The Dr. Phil Show recently and was reminded of the importance of our belief system and our inner dialogue as we approach any situation that makes us afraid and unsure of ourselves. This episode was about single women who couldn't seem to have satisfying committed relationships with men. While there can be many factors involved in a situation like this, one of the things that Dr. Phil explored with each of the women was the types of beliefs and thought patterns they have when approaching a date or a new relationship.  

What they revealed was classic for creating a negative self-fulfilling prophesy. The beliefs they held and their inner dialogue were so negative that it convinced them that things weren't going to work out even before they stepped out their front door!

Does this sound familiar? It is clearly what we see time and again when we are approaching a speaking or performing event. Even though we may not be consciously aware of our beliefs and inner dialogue when we are gripped by fear and self-doubt, the fact that we are so terrified implies that we believe something (really) bad is going to happen to us and that we stand to lose some things that are very important to us in the process - respect from others, our reputation, our credibility, our pride, dignity, and self-respect, etc.  

We often believe we are on the brink of disaster as we anxiously step out the door to meet our dire fate on the day we are to speak or perform (and of course we fuel this negative belief the days, weeks, months, sometimes even years before that fateful day). As Dr. Phil said to these single women, who were believing that bad things were about to befall them when they stepped out the door to meet their date, "Is it any wonder things aren't working out for you?"

How can we possibly let go of the feelings of fear and self-doubt if we continue to hold such a negative mindset about what bad things might befall us as we go out the door to present or perform? Is it any wonder we continue to dread public speaking or performing? We need to flesh out our beliefs about all of this and examine them from a more objective perspective. Most of us are not aware of our beliefs when we are feeling overwhelmed by fear, anxiety, and self-doubt, so we need to consider what beliefs are implied by having these intensely negative feelings.

It is clear you are not believing that things will turn out well when you are in the throes of these emotions, or that doing your best in good enough. It is more likely that you are believing something potentially awful is going to happen, you are going to mess up or lose control in some irreparable way, people are going to think less of you and lose respect for you, your reputation will be ruined, you may be demoted, not promoted, or lose your job, and so on...(you fill in the rest). It is clear that if we hold onto these negative beliefs, we will always dread speaking or performing. Only a true masochist who enjoys pain and suffering could feel anything good about going into a situation where such dire predictions for loss and misery are being forecast.

Hand-in-hand with our belief system (which is the engine behind all of this) is our inner dialogue. Sometimes we are consciously aware of saying things to ourselves and sometimes it happens below the level of our awareness. If you hold a negative belief system and anticipate dire things will happen, you will likely be thinking and speaking to yourself (consciously or otherwise) in ways that reinforce this negative belief system.

On the other hand, if you hold a more benign or positive belief system, you will be having a very different thought process and conversation with yourself. Just imagine for a moment what conversation you might have with yourself if you anticipated good things were likely to happen as you stepped out the door to present or perform? What would you be thinking and saying to yourself differently than you do now?

Dr. Phil spoke of a "Litmus Logic Test" that he uses to get people to objectively evaluate their internal dialogue and belief system, as follows:

Is what you are believing, thinking, and saying to yourself factually accurate?

Is it in your best interest to have this type of belief, thought process, or self-talk?

Does this way of believing, thinking, and speaking get you what you want instead of what you don't want?

While this approach can seem simplistic, and feel very easy-to-say, but very hard-to-do (if not almost impossible), we must take a look at this if we truly want to change the engine that drives this problem. The more tricky part of this relates to the fact that our belief system has been shaped by the significant people and situations in our lives, over the course of our lifetimes, and can sometimes be resistant to change. So, trying to change what we believe and say to ourselves about public speaking or performing sometimes requires a broader exploration of our beliefs and perceptions about ourselves and our lives.

Finally, I will leave you with one of Dr. Phil's famous sayings, "Is it working for ya?" If you see that your beliefs and inner dialogue related to public speaking or performing are causing you more harm than good, then obviously something is not working for you and it is time to make a change.

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