"...there's no question that changing the way you think about your situation is key to creating a strategy for improvement." Oprah Winfrey Personal Note from Janet Happy New Year to You! I hope you enjoyed a wonderful holiday season and you are feeling ready to step into this coming year in a positive and powerful way. My holiday time was challenging in a couple ways. First, my 91 year old aunt was back in a rehab facility after her 3rd hospitalization since September so we spent Christmas visiting her there. Fortunately, we were able to bring my sweet Golden Retriever April with us so that brightened everyone's spirits. The other major challenge was the tragic event in Newtown, which has created so much sorrow in our nation, as well as in my area of CT, given we live only 30 minutes away from where all of this happened. These sad situations have made me pause and think about the lessons that they bring. One lesson has been to never take anything for granted and to appreciate all of your blessings each and every day. Another lesson has been to live as much in the present moment as possible as we really can't predict how things will be in our future. And one final lesson is to be thankful for the challenges that you have (including the challenge with stage fright) as they are much smaller relative to the more difficult and life changing challenges that some others are experiencing. While all of this has been difficult, I am also embracing the New Year and all of the wonderful possibilities this year can bring. I hope I will get to help you in some way this year as you work on your own challenge with this fear. Please visit my web site to learn about the many ways I can help you through my books, CD, newsletters, workshop and coaching. Sometimes we also need a refresher, so if you have had any lapses along the way, I encourage you to contact me to help you get back on track. A few things to note... The next Getting Over Stage Fright workshop will be held on January 19-20th. At this time there is a waiting list, so contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com if you want to be added to the list in case an opening becomes available. The next workshop is being planned for May 18-19th so be sure to sign up soon for that workshop if you want to reserve a spot for yourself. You can find more information about the workshop at http://www.performanceanxiety.com/upcoming_workshop.htm. See http://www.performanceanxiety.com/testimonials.htm to read about the tremendous value people have received from participating in the workshop. It is truly one of the best things you can do for yourself if you have this fear. One final thing: I would love to receive more inspirational stories of your successes (big or small) for future issues of this newsletter, so please be sure to write me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com and share your positive experiences to help inspire others. Also, I would love to receive other helpful and inspiring resources - books, CDs, videos, web sites - so I can pass along this helpful information to others. My heartfelt thanks to you for contributing to our In The Spotlight community!
 
Pure Inspiration
This column is devoted to sharing stories of success and inspiration with others. If you have a success you would like to share with our newsletter community, please forward a paragraph or two to me with your first name (disguised if you feel the need for more anonymity) and job title and/or the field you work in and I will include it in a future
newsletter. We can all be inspired by stories of success and victory, and it is a way
for all of us to celebrate the courage, commitment, and effort we are putting forth to get beyond the limitations of this fear.
Here is an inspirational story from a recent workshop participant:
Dear Janet,
Well the dreaded day has come and passed. I interviewed and gave my presentation for my graphics designer position at the college. I'm not one to ever brag or give myself credit, but I have to tell you I did fantastic!!!!
After the presentation, people kept coming up to me and telling me how wonderful my presentation was, that I looked into the audience and
made eye contact and connected with them; and that I seemed like a very comfortable and confident presenter. I got the job the next day! They selected me over the graphic designer with 30-years of experience!!!
This was the hardest and most rewarding experience of my life! I still can't sleep -- not because of fear or anxiety, but because I have such a feeling of pride about myself! What I discovered through this process was getting the job was not as important to me as facing and dealing with the lifelong fear of public speaking. I will probably never fully enjoy the spotlight, but I have found my voice and now I have the confidence to give a presentation.
Janet, I used all of the tools I learned from your book and especially your workshop. I can't thank you enough. I wanted you to know that I do believe God puts people in your path for certain reasons. I know he put you in mine.
Best,
Laura
Changing Your Attitude & Perspective
I was just reading an article Oprah wrote on some of the difficulties she was having in starting her new TV network. Things did not improve for her until she changed her attitude and perspective. Instead of blaming herself or others and feeling a sense of failure, frustration and overwhelm, she stepped back and took stock of things as objectively as she could so she could see the truth about herself and her situation.
Oprah said the key for her and others is to "Lay your ego down. Step out of your ego so you can recognize the truth." These are wise words for us to follow, as well. Most of us have strong egos which have allowed us much success in life, but which have also gotten in our way at times.
One way that our egos get in our way is when we become so concerned about what others think of us that we lose sight of our true purpose in speaking and performing. We become self-focused, self-preoccupied and self-centered as we make the situation all about us. Our pride gets in our way as we feel we must look good (or at least not look bad) in front of others. We make our situation into a proving ground for ourselves rather than what it was really meant to be: a place in which we can share ourselves with others for the greater good.
It is not easy to step back from our ego yet it is necessary to do so in order to loosen its grip on us so that we can come from a higher place and see the truth. The truth is that it really is not about us and that we are all here on this planet to help each other and contribute in whatever way we can.
We clearly need to improve our attitude and get proper perspective in order to make positive changes with this challenge. Rather than bemoan your difficulties with having this fear, and amplify the problem in your mind, remember how fortunate you are to have this problem rather than problems of a much higher magnitude, as many others have. Bring the problem, and the challenges it carries with it, down to size and not make it bigger than it needs to be.
And, of course, take ACTION to help yourself rather than give in to feelings of overwhelm, frustration and helplessness. Positive action is an antidote to fear and anxiety whereas passivity and inaction fuel negative feelings.
Some immediate steps you can take to help yourself include reading (or re-reading) my two books, listening to my CD whenever you need further support and guidance, taking my workshop (and taking it again if you want further practice and reinforcement), and/or setting up a coaching session with me. Also consider other steps you can take to apply the things you are learning and to use the tools that I write about and teach. Identify a few simple actions to start so you can gain some momentum and be on the road to making positive changes as this New Year begins.
Action Steps:
1. Identify some actions you can take to make progress with this challenge at the start of this New Year. Write them down and commit to a plan of action. Schedule them in your calendar for when you will take action on your plan. Remember, the best way to empower yourself is to follow-through with your good intentions. So, no excuses...just do what you need to do and you will be glad you did!
2. Consider taking a Getting Over Stage Fright Workshop and/or having Private Coaching Session(s) with me to help you become much more effective in dealing with this challenge. This provides a great way to break avoidant and self-defeating patterns and helps you move a big step forward in your progress. Please contact me at jesposito@performanceanxiety.com if you are interested in scheduling a coaching session and contact Mary at mary@performanceanxiety.com
with any questions about the workshop.
3. Please take a few moments to write a review of my book(s) and/or CD on www.amazon.com and/or www.barnesandnoble.com if you have found my book(s)
and CD helpful to you. Many thanks for taking the time to do this to support my efforts and help others learn about the value of my work.
4. Please send me any feedback and suggestions as I greatly value knowing what is most helpful to you and will give consideration to all feedback and suggestions I receive.
Something else to consider:
Many people have enjoyed being part of a yahoo discussion board that was set up by someone in our newsletter community for people who share the fear of public speaking or performing and want some support and camaraderie. I encourage you to visit this site and post something on the discussion board. It is incredibly helpful to come out of our isolation and aloneness around this fear and to give and receive
support with others. The address for this discussion board is
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I hope to have the opportunity to help you make further progress with your speaking or performing challenges this year. Please be sure to contact me if you would like my help.
Warm wishes,
Janet
Janet Esposito, M.S.W.
In The Spotlight
PO Box 494
Bridgewater, CT06752
860-210-1499
jesposito@performanceanxiety.com
www.performanceanxiety.com
Copyright 2013, Janet E. Esposito, All Rights Reserved
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