We have a resource at the church that I believe every couple should watch. The resource is a four session study titled "Staying in Love" by Andy Stanley. Andy Stanley says that falling in love is easy but staying in love is hard. Those of us who have been married for more than a few years understand that staying in love takes effort. When we fall in love we see our partner through rose covered glasses. Everything they do we put "the best construction on things and explain things in the kindest possible way". I am aware that love can be deaf, dumb, blind and stupid. I see couples that are together and I try to point out their partner's shortcomings. This is unwise. The happiest couples see their spouse in a higher light than the spouse sees themselves.
 

In lesson four of staying in love, Andy Stanley talks about how we react when expectations do not meet behavior. He makes some common sense observations about the choices we make effecting our satisfaction in our marriage. When we expect someone to be on time and they are chronically late their behavior does not meet our expectations. When we are courting we overlook this behavior. When our partner is late we explain their lateness. We even make excuses for their behavior.
 

After we are married, we still expect our partner to be on time. We know they are going to be late so we are proved right when they are late. Instead of explaining things in the kindest possible way, we laud our wisdom and lift up our ability to be right. Our spouse or partner never gets the benefit of the doubt. We do not lift them up and this deteriorates our relationship. Instead of celebrating their gifts we attack their weaknesses. Their reaction is resentment and anger which becomes self-perpetuating.
 

Peter, the married disciple, writes this advice for living in relationship with other humans. "Above all love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins." (1 Peter 4:8) Luther in his explanation of the Eighth Commandment states that when dealing with our neighbor we should "... defend him, speak well of him, and explain everything in the kindest possible way." (S.C. page 13)  We teach that when someone's behavior does not meet our expectations we should love them and defend them. This makes for a happier healthier marriage. It is a key to "staying in love".
 

I believe this is also a key to a healthier congregation. When someone's behavior does not meet our expectations we can choose how we respond to their actions. We can "...betray them, slander them and hurt their reputation. (S.C. page 13) We can usually find support for this position. We are all sinners. This also makes us look right. "See I knew this would fail."  The problem with this is it is self- perpetuating. Instead of building up the body it weakens the body. Relationships are destroyed and love and forgiveness are not expressed.
 

The second choice we have is to defend our neighbor. We can build them up. Instead of focusing on, and attacking their behaviors we might want to look at our expectations. God calls us to build up the body. We have been given a ministry of reconciliation. I would invite you to get a group of friends and I will let you use this resource to strengthen your relationships. I believe the only way we can grow as Christians is to be immersed in the Word of God. We can do this by personal study and family devotions. It is also important that we meet together in worship and study of God's Word. I know we live in a busy hectic world and time is a precious resource. I believe God will free us when we seek him first. When behavior does not meet our expectations it is important to recognize that we can choose our reaction. Let God guide you steps. Lift one another up in love.