Our children find themselves facing an uncertain, and often-dangerous world. Your children, no matter their age, will look to you for the safety and security they need in order to thrive. There is much that you can offer to mitigate their fears, reduce anxiety, and teach them life skills.

You can use this time of crisis as an opportunity to teach, model and reinforce resiliency. Resilience is a process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma or significant life stressors. Developing skills and strategies comes from observing healthy role models, receiving information, and having the opportunity to process information and feelings in a supportive environment.

Common questions and concerns that may surface might include:

While none of us are guaranteed a future without conflict and challenges, we can prepare our children with information, emotional intelligence, and the ability to develop coping skills. You can provide the information, loving attention, healthy role modeling, and opportunities to practice healthy self-care.

The first, and foremost, way to help is to be available and present to whatever questions, feelings, and reactions they share. Remain calm, consistent, and reassuring. Talk with your child about their concerns, fears, and worries in order to let them know that they can trust you with their needs.
 

Do not assume that children who are not talking about the incident are not having feelings, questions, and concerns. Start conversations to let them know you are interested in how they are; provide factual responses and avoid gossip or speculation; create opportunities to listen and talk; listen to their perspectives and understanding of the situation; let them express their own opinions without judgment; encourage different points of view and all questions; remind them repeatedly that you and home are their safe place; comfort through your presence, words, and touch.

Remember that children who ask the same question repeatedly are trying to make sense of information and learn complex concepts about death, loss, and grief. Be observant and watch for any changes in behavior, especially changes in sleep, appetite, ability to concentrate, and emotional stability.
 

Respond to all questions factually and with age-appropriate simple language. Check their understanding and the meaning you intended. Review and check in often. Take "news breaks" by limiting the amount and kind of information they are exposed to. Replace media overload with physical activities or family-centered enjoyment.
 

Encourage and make connections with healthy family members, friends and community groups. Resiliency is strengthened when one can accept help from those who care. Use community resources and experts; school counselors, teachers, and mental health professionals may offer the tools and support that your child can respond to. Grief groups, expressive arts such as art and journaling, team sports, and church activities may also provide the reassurance and outlets that strengthen resiliency.
 

Model positive self-care, practice optimism and a positive view of yourself so that you reduce stress and can be available to your children. Identify personal needs and articulate action plans to meet those needs. Acting on adverse situations rather than detaching from problems helps people manage stress and will demonstrate to children that you can manage adversity and discover opportunities for growth, even in the midst of tragedy.

You can make a difference in your child's ability to navigate an uncertain world and in their confidence to move forward. Trust your instincts, continue to learn and share information, and provide a nurturing home so they can become their best self.
 

Dr. Leary is a psychologist and certified grief therapist who consults with LifeNet Health. Her responses reflect her professional opinion to general questions. Individuals struggling with complicated grief are encouraged to seek the care of a professional. Please submit your questions to Robin Cowherd, LifeNet Health, 1864 Concert Drive, Virginia Beach, VA 23453, or visit Healing Tears at www.healingthespirit.org 

The death of a loved one throws us into trauma and chaos. Some may have never experienced anything like it before. You may find yourself adrift in a strange and sometimes frightening world with no recognizable landmarks. You may feel as though you are "going crazy" or "losing your mind" or that something is "wrong" with you. You are not and you are not alone.
 

LifeNet Health is offering a new online course for donor family members to gather information about the grief and mourning process.

Called The Course, this educational forum will be offered on the LifeNet Health bereavement support website www.healingthespirit.org beginning in January.

It is normal and natural to feel overwhelmed when a beloved dies. There is a way to get though grief (not get over it).There is work you can do to return some control to your life and gradually create a new normal-a life without the physical presence of your loved one.
 

For those with a family member or friend who is grieving, this course may help you gain some insight into the grieving process so you can be a compassionate presence for them.
 

Course is defined, in part, as ... a path, route, or channel along which anything moves: the course of a stream. We offer this online course with the hope and belief that it can be helpful to you in finding your unique path to the reconciliation (balance or harmony) of your new life.
 

A blog format is an effective way to do this. It can be an interactive environment, akin to an online classroom. We provide the information and tools to assist you in your grief journey. We can respond to your questions, and support you in your efforts, as well as provide the opportunity for you to speak your story and to hear others'.
 

Each lesson will be posted as a separate blog, and will contain a reflection exercise at the end to encourage you to reflect on the contents of the lesson as it applies to your grief experience. We invite you to post your reflections in a comment section of the blog, so that a conversation and learning opportunity can be established for you and other participants.
 

LifeNet Health Donor Family Services staff members moderate this course. Inappropriate or hurtful comments will not be posted.