Talking and listening to your little one

As any parent has experienced, having a conversation with your three year old can be quite different from having a conversation with another adult. The frustration often felt by a parent that his child "just doesn't listen" is probably a common feeling felt by young children about their parents. The following strategies can help to build good communication skills resulting in better relationships between parents and their children.

1. Listen attentively. Get rid of distractions and pay attention to what your child is saying. If you happen to be too busy to give your child undivided attention at the moment, let your child know by saying "I am busy right now, but I really want to hear about that in a few minutes." Make sure to follow up later.

2. Talk with your child. Involve your child in a 2-way conversation which involves talking to him and then listening to what he has to say. AVOID talking AT your child so much: "Get your shoes," "Don't spill your juice, " etc .

3. Do's and Don'ts. Tell your child what TO DO rather than what NOT TO DO. Replacing DON'T statements with DO statements gives a child a clearer understanding of what is expected of him. For example, "Close the door slowly," is better than "Don't slam the door!" and "Color on the paper only," is better than "Don't write on the table." This one may need a little practice by an adult, but is well worth the effort.

4. Make requests simple. A young child needs directions broken down into separate simple requests sometimes. It can be hard for them to remember several things at once.

5. Get their attention. When you are expecting a child to listen to you, you need to make sure that you have his attention first. Call the child's name, wait for him to turn to you, and then proceed with your request or direction. As often as possible, stoop or sit down in order to gain eye contact when interacting with a small child.

6. Manners, please. A young child learns by imitation. When a parent or other adult says "Please" and" Thank you", he is setting a good example for using good manners. Gentle reminders to "use your manners" or saying "What do you say?" are appropriate prompts, but nagging a child to say "please" and "thank you" sets a bad example. It is not courteous to nag!

* Information from this article is from the pamphlet, "Winning Ways to Talk With Young Children", distributed by Florida Cooperative