Best wishes in the new year and happy parenting,

TURNING "DON'T"S INTO "DO"S

I often hear parents bemoaning the fact that they seem to be always saying "no" and "don't" to their children, leading them to a tendency to let some things slide in an effort to curb negativity.

But there is a much better solution to this problem than "letting things slide." Instead of telling your children "not" to do something, flip your wording into a positive statement, conveying what you expect them to do. Almost every "don't" statement can easily be turned into a "do" statement, and children are more likely to change what they are doing when they are given specific instructions about exactly what IS expected.  Here are some examples:

DON'T: Don't interrupt!

DO: Keep that non-emergency question in your head so you remember it and ask me as soon as I'm off the phone.

DON'T:  Stop jumping on the couch!

DO: Your feet belong on the floor. Feel free to jump all you want on the ground.

DON'T: Don't grab!

DO: Please ask for the toy if you want it.

DON'T: Quit elbowing your brother!

DO: Keep your elbow to yourself. If you'd like to use your arms, give a hug instead.

In addition to using this technique to respond to undesirable behavior, you can let your child know in advance specifically how you expect them to behave in certain situations, such as before going to a playdate, eating in a restaurant, or visiting relatives. (See Week 8: Great Expectations in 52 Weeks of Parenting Wisdom for more on this.)

Practice telling your children what TO do instead of what NOT to do and soon it will become a habit that will solve the negativity problem and result in better compliance.