Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning.

       by Stevie Smith

British poet Stevie Smith wrote the first four lines of her  Not Waving but Drowning in 1957. I discovered this poet while reading a new-to-me author Louise Penny (highlighted in Word Whispers). It's said Ms. Smith wrote this poem after learning of a man whose thrashing in the water was mistaken not for him drowning but as him waving.

Oh, the ways we misunderstand each other!

Her words speak to me as the year begins as I remember those times of miscommunications, especially when I felt I was drowning but others saw me waving. There were the two years in graduate school when my voice quivered in answering questions or even asking them. My life was falling apart and I hung onto education like a life raft. I hid behind a purple hat I still have and wear now and then.

"You are so strong," a fellow student said to me one day. Moi, strong? When I asked why she thought that she said, "You wear that great purple hat. I'd wither if I tried to wear a hat like that." It was my part of my life raft; it kept me from drowning; but she thought I was waving.

Then a day when six students of which I was one confronted a supervisor whom we believed had a drinking problem. It was the day before the Christmas break and we'd asked for a meeting. She exploded, her anger pounded fists on the desk and the grab of purse and coat saying she might not come back after the holidays if that's how we all felt and who knew how she'd decide to grade our semester. Silence strangled the room. My heart pounded as I waited for someone bolder, more compassionate to speak up, to lead. No one did. So I broached the subject, finding a way to invite her to stay; for us to make a path toward resolution, which we did. Later one of the other students said, "You were so brave. I never could have done what you did, speak up to her and for her like that." Moi, Brave?

"Not brave. I didn't want to spend Christmas break obsessing about what would happen after we got back. It was self-preservation. And I didn't want her seeing us as ganging up rather than offering support. It was cowardice that made me speak." I was drowning, not waving.

And when I wrote our story in Homestead or even some of these essays of Story Sparks it's not out of wisdom or courage that I share the tawdry tidbits of my inner writer life, it's my way of waving because I'm standing too far from the crowd, "much further out than you thought." Writing, exploring the world through language, is my life raft. If I'm not forcing myself to move closer to that inner journey then weaving my way back out to live in the world, I fear I will drown.

I don't do well at new year resolutions. I do look toward promises, though; the ones I make to myself. This year it is not to wait quite so long before I notice I've moved further out from the crowd. To risk letting go of the raft so that my words wafting through the air might truly be  caught as a wave, trusting that a securing hand awaits if I feel like I'm drowning. Not unlike those blessed fingers of Adam's reaching toward God in Michelangelo's  Sistine Chapel  painting. Was Adam waving or was he drowning as he reached out?

Sometimes people ask how long it takes to research one of my novels. Earlier today I crawled around in our U-Haul Storage Unit locating copies of the book of Matthew written in Nez Perce. Along with a primer of Nez Perce, these two documents were the first books printed west of the Rocky Mountains. I located the copy back in 2002 while working on the Marie Dorion series. Now, twelve years later, a piece of that story has tapped me on the shoulder as I work on Two Elizas.  Have I been working on Two Elizas for twelve years? Maybe. Perhaps Eliza Spalding, missionary to the Nez Perce and her daughter Eliza, survivor of unbelievable trauma, have been scrinching in beside Clara Estby, Hulda Klager, Emma Giesy, Dorothea Dix and even Letitia Carson whom readers have not yet met. Their day has come...assuming I finish the manuscript by September. That's what matters now.

Believe it or not, Homestead  is having another life. It went out of print earlier this year, again. And now it is coming back into print, again, in March. This version will be much like the first one with few pictures and only a short epilogue after the third section. A later version I did (2005) included meaningful events after the book came out. These are being left out. I'm considering a book of essays based on the aftermath of our 27 years on the ranch. Lessons of the land  or New Soils, a memoir of another kind. I'll keep you posted.

Along with a number of western women writers, I have a short piece in a collection titled Ankle High and Knee Deep (Globe-Pequot) coming out sometime soon. My good friend and helpmate on the homestead, Sherrie Gant, has an essay in this collection along with many of my Women Writing the West sisters. I think you'll enjoy their wit and western wisdom.

In April, look for Sincerely Yours. I have a Washington-based novella in that collection titled "A Saving Grace." Some readers like those shorter pieces that introduce them to new authors; others prefer full length novels. You'll have both from me in 2014 with the publication of A Light in the Wilderness scheduled for September 2. Be sure to visit Friends of Letitia Carson on Facebook  as well as jkbooks.com where we'll keep you up to date on events related to all these writing efforts. When the cover is finalized, you'll see it first!

"Grandma, you sound so much younger." This from the voice of a grandson calling from Florida. "Do I?  It must be because I colored my hair." I know that defies logic but I think it's true. After years of being mistaken as the mother of my closest friends -who are only one and three years younger than I am - or having a waitress suggest I must be the mother of our real estate agent who isn't that much younger than me, I decided to defy my husband's wishes and seek color. I'm getting used to that image in the mirror (who looks more like my sister than me). Recently, at an event, a woman looked at my books, looked at me, looked at the books and then asked, "Are you the author?"  I nodded yes. "I didn't think it could be you because you looked too young to have written all these books." Sometimes it can be a good thing to try something different. A small tattoo, anyone?

Speaking of change: the Change and Cherish Series has been compiled into one book now called Emma of Aurora. It weighs two pounds! But don't let the change in format deter you if you haven't yet read that series or if you wanted to give it as a gift. While it won't easily fit into your purse or even briefcase for a long flight, it does open easily and flat, perfect for that Stairmaster or treadmill. Judi Wutzke, owner of  "...And Books Too," a bookstore in Clarkston, WA, noted that it should be how all paperback books are bound, so there's no trouble keeping the book open. As one reviewer said, the trilogy also reduces frustration in having to wait for the next book in a series and it's easy to keep straight which book is first. If you've already read about Emma Wagner Giesy in the Change and Cherish Series there is nothing new in this book; but reading a book more than once can bring interesting insights.

Louise Penny's Chief Inspector Gamache series - Still Life, A Fatal Grace, The Cruelest Month....and more.

When I find an author I love I read everything they've written. I inhale their work and can't wait for the next one. To find a new author with six or seven titles waiting  is like unwrapping Russian dolls that keep opening up to new and finer treasures tucked inside. Ms. Penny is a Canadian writer and her mystery stories are set in Quebec. Each book has won critical acclaim, national awards and accolades around the world. Her page on "getting published" on her website reveals the kind and caring professional she is. I turned a good friend onto Ms. Penny's books and she called me last night in tears and asked if I knew how this writer did what she did to be so moving, to reach so many depths in one story. What can I say? She's a fabulous writer.

For one thing, she writes in an omniscient point of view. Few writers do that well, to have a reader be inside the head of a character and within the same scene be inside the head of another. With just a few words we know many characters (and she doesn't need a character list to help us keep them straight as I do!) She quotes poets like Stevie Smith and writes of passion, faith and family and our memories in the midst of murder. There's no gore, only an occasional F-bomb and her one liners of wisdom, crisp dialogue and original characters well overshadow those strong words. Most stories are set in the fictional town of Three Pines in Quebec. I'm already planning to go to that town...or at least to Quebec! Because the stories grow upon each other - though you can start anywhere - I recommend beginning with Still Life. You'll begin a reading adventure you won't regret. The quote from the Spanish ruler about  days of happiness that "amount to fourteen" I quoted last month  I first read in her book The Cruelest Month  and I've made note of many other inspiring quotes.

Here's what the author says about her own work."My books are about terror. That brooding terror curled deep down inside us. But more than that, more than murder, more than all the rancid emotions and actions, my books are about goodness. And kindness. About choices. About friendship and belonging. And love. Enduring love.

If you take only one thing away from any of my books I'd like it to be this: Goodness exists."

Give yourself a treat and check out a Louise Penny title. I've lost a little sleep reading her books and I've rewarded my own work by telling myself "just finish writing this section and you can read a good book!"  Louise Penny's books fill that need.

May this new year bring you closer to the crowd that we might lend a hand, assured that we can tell the difference between when you are waving and when you might be drowning unless another reaches out.

"With signature warmth, wit, and wisdom, Bob Welch and Jane Kirkpatrick share an engaging chemistry as instructors. Previous Beachside Writers Workshops clarified my goals as a writer and  gave superb advice central to my growth. Insights gleaned continue to fuel my passion for writing. Whatever your reason for writing, give yourself a gift: attend this workshop."
- Michelle Koehn, Eugene

What: Beachside Writers

When: February 28-March 2

Where:Yachats, Oregon, (2.5 hours from Portland Airport)

Register now for a great weekend of inspiration and encouragement toward taking that next step in your writing life.

Jane's writing life is now into research and writing mode. Look for her schedule to ramp up in March and April. Watch this space.