Resa is a survivor of sexual assault, sexual abuse, domestic violence, and sex trafficking. She's currently a volunteer at the Crisis Center of Tampa Bay where she works in Sexual Assault Services as a volunteer advocate. She's also the Outreach Chair on the Sexual Violence Task Force of Tampa Bay and is a member of the Empowerment Group's Speakers Bureau. 

Throughout my life I was involved in abusive relationships where I was sexually assaulted multiple times. I still remember the first time I was sexually assaulted in a relationship. I was extremely young and walked away feeling worthless. I felt the entire thing was my fault. The man who had committed this horrific crime broke me down until there was practically nothing left of me. I was terrified to turn to anyone and kept hold of my secret for 13 years.  

So many times a survivor just wants someone to listen, a hand to hold, or a shoulder to lean on.  Most people are uncomfortable talking about rape, so we often don't find the support we need.
When I first began sharing my journey as a survivor in public, a number of people in my life began confiding in me and telling me their personal journey from victim to survivor. There is no "correct" way to feel when a friend shares with you about a sexual assault. It's always an incredibly complex and critical time. The way you respond can have a huge impact on that person and the relationship you'll have with them. 

Through my journey of hope and healing I've been very blessed to be able to work alongside many other survivors as a sexual assault advocate and also with the sexual violence task force. Here are some things that I've been able to take away from both of those experiences. Hopefully these will help you if you find yourself ever needing to support someone who has been sexually assaulted. 

1. Listen 

Usually when we sit down to listen, we have an agenda. We're looking to hear something in particular, or we're trying to say the perfect thing.  The survivor deserves to be truly heard- we all do, but there is an extra layer of need after surviving a violent crime. 

2. Remind them that it's not their fault 

Some examples of what should never be said:
*What were you wearing?
*What did you do to lead them on?
*Were you drunk?
*Why didn't you fight back?
*Are you lying?

3. Understand that a survivors response is complex and varied.  

Everyone experiences sexual assault in different, complex ways. The survivor's response will be multi-layered and their recovery will not be linear. 

4. Most importantly I think the biggest thing I've learned is taking care of yourself. 

Self-care is essential. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't help others as much as you'd like.

Caring for a loved one who has survived a trauma of any kind can be exhausting. You're dealing with scary, real, and raw emotions.  In order to truly help the survivor, you need to be emotionally healthy. You can't help them if you're struggling more than they are. 

Today I am no longer that lost, scared, abused little girl. Through many trials, tribulations, and reminders that the pain would not last forever... I have truly grown into the woman many would've never imagined I would become. I'm no longer a victim and I'm so very proud to say I'm a survivor. Hope and Healing are indeed possible.