We all have those years...the ones that feel like a relentless challenge. Yet the biggest learnings often come from the biggest challenges. 2015 was that year for me. In a very personal end-of-year message, I share 3 life lessons I learned in 2015.
Lesson #1 Asking for support yields amazing things
 It's the curse of the independent high-achiever. We walk through life rarely asking for support, thinking we don't need it. (Perhaps even viewing the asking of support as a sign of weakness.)
It took a double whammy hit this year for me to learn the value of asking support. With major surgery scheduled 4 days after my mom's passing; I was both physically and emotionally incapacitated. I had to reach out for help (gulp), and people responded. Support came in droves from the most unexpected quarters and in unexpected ways - a childhood friend who flew to Vancouver to play nurse, a six-pack of casseroles dropped off outside my door, constant chauffeuring, cleaning, shopping and more than anything else, several hundred shoulders to lean on.
Guess what? I discovered that once you ask for support, it gets easier to ask again. And the benefits of feeling a little less responsible for doing it all and knowing others have my back is a most wonderful, freeing feeling. Upon reflection, I realized that supporting others makes me feel good - so it follows that others would feel good by helping me.
My Lesson
All of my coaching programs purposefully include the elements of identifying 'supports'. Yet, much like the cobbler whose kids run around in bare feet, I was not walking my talk. Considering the value of getting support is a big lesson in putting my money where my mouth is. Although it's not yet an instinctive way for me to go, I now approach any new project with supports clearly identified. And though I still hesitate when someone offers help, no matter how small the task, I have started to say YES. Everyone needs support.
*If any of this lesson rings true for you then I challenge you to think about how you could ask for support this year. Experiment with this - you will be amazed at how good it feels.
Lesson #2 It's critical to put your own oxygen mask on first
How many times have we heard the airplane safety talk before takeoff? "Put your oxygen mask on first before helping another". There's an obvious reason for that instruction - if you are not breathing yourself, you cannot help anyone else. When we make a practice of consciously and consistently valuing our physical, mental and emotional needs it give us more resiliency (the capacity to rebound in adversity, setbacks or knockdowns). Having a high RQ (resiliency quotient) allows us to do more, be more, serve more and actually contribute more - the very thing we want to do in the first place.
My Lesson: I learned this year the benefits of making sure my RBA (Resiliency Bank Account) was consistently replenished. Though taking care of others is my first instinct, I found that taking care of myself first and being intentional about how much else I 'carried' for others, meant I had more energy to contribute in an intentional vs. duty-bound way. I could 'carry' less without 'caring' less. This was a biggie for me. I really did think that the two were intertwined. You can probably sense a theme (pay attention again all you over-caring high-achievers). Keeping my Resiliency Bank Account in the 'black' meant saying 'no' sometimes, getting enough sleep, giving myself recharge space and time and it meant taking a hard look at what was important in my life and adjusting accordingly. It took some effort and required some new ways of simply 'being', however, it proved to be a hugely beneficial element of 2015.
Lesson #3 Grief doesn't have a timeline (and that's OK)
Although I have suffered many losses in my life, nothing could have prepared me for the death of my mom. Even though the last few years had seen a debilitating decline in her health with the effects of Parkinson's disease, I could not have known what the loss of the woman who gave me life would feel like, even now, almost a full year later. I learned that grief is unpredictable. Grief is sneaky. It can hit you at anytime, any way, anywhere and for no apparent reason. Those that have been there before me say the feeling of loss never truly goes away - we just get better at dealing with our losses.
My Lesson: The lesson I learned was to accept the fact that grief shows up in no particular form and has no particular timeline. Moving forward I am learning to be OK with
letting myself grieve on my own terms. I now wear waterproof mascara (!) and will let the tears fall whenever they need to, knowing that grief is not a weakness - it's the price of having loved deeply.
And...the biggest learning of all...
More than anything, my 2015 takeaway is one of gratitude. As I watched the events of the year unfold worldwide, I am struck by a sense of profound gratitude for the life I sometimes (often) take for granted - a life of freedom, security, choice and abundance. Waking up today on a crisp, sunny! Vancouver morning, looking at the mountains with a new layer of snow dusting the peaks, I marvel at how blessed I am. To all of you, I want to express my gratitude for supporting me through this year and I so look forward to the possibilities that lie ahead of all of us in 2016.
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