My client Rob recently retired after 34 years of service in a senior management position at a large corporation. There were a series of parties held in his honor, and in a subsequent coaching session, Rob couldn't stop talking about the amazing things his bosses and colleagues had said to him both privately and publicly. Sure, they mentioned his stellar work performance, but more importantly, they talked about his character, his personality, his strengths and his commitment. In short, they gave him deep acknowledgment for the person he was, not just what he had done. That acknowledgment was far more valuable and impactful to Rob than the receipt of that very nice gold watch.
Generally we only get this kind of deep acknowledgment at some big life event like a retirement, and sadly, we don't hear the words often during our lifetime. Ironically though, we can count on people waxing poetic about us when they give our eulogy. (Too bad we aren't actually around to hear it!)
We all like to be appreciated and recognized for the good work we do and the things we accomplish. In fact, studies done at the corporate level hold "being appreciated" as more important to employees than salary and other working conditions.
When we give a compliment or recognize someone we are usually speaking about something the person has done. E.g./ great job Suzie, good meeting Marg etc.
Most of us have become comfortable with giving recognition and remembering to say thank you. Yay us! Giving recognition is good although it is often unmemorable and quickly forgotten. For an even greater positive impact, practice giving deep acknowledgment.
Acknowledgement goes one powerful step further. It goes beyond the person's action (what they have done) to recognize the qualities and characteristics of that person that allowed them to do what they did. Acknowledgment recognizes who they are instead of just recognizing them for what they have done. When you acknowledge, you hold up a mirror and say this is the person I see in you. It is the deep desire of everyone to be seen, heard and understood and since acknowledgement goes much deeper than surface recognition, it has a more powerful impact on the person receiving it.
To acknowledge using the examples above, we might say: "Great job Suzie! You really put your creativity and intelligence into the writing of this report"; or "Good meeting Marg! I really appreciated the way you kept the conversation productive with your calm and supportive presence".
Practicing deep acknowledgement on a daily basis has dramatic benefits in both a professional or personal setting. Often you make people aware of qualities that she might not have noticed or accepted before. This new self-knowledge builds self-esteem and empowers her to keep learning growing and doing her best. Acknowledgment can inspire, deepen connections, increase performance, open possibility, and bring joy. And heck, it feels just plain good inside!
Although at first it might feel awkward to give deep acknowledgment, keep at it. Experiment with your work colleagues, with your staff group, with your partner, friends and family. Click here to download a worksheet with some practice scenarios for you to work through to get the hang of giving deep acknowledgment.
I encourage you to use the steps below to experience how the power of deep acknowledgment can transform people while they are still alive! Why wait for the eulogy?
4 STEPS TO GIVING DEEP ACKNOWLEDGMENT
1/ Acknowledge the person for WHO they are
Identify qualities that enabled the person to do what she did: e.g./ patience, dedication, commitment, perseverance, caring, thoughtfulness, creativity, initiative, enthusiasm, wisdom, clear communication.
2/ Make it short and sweet
Keep your acknowledgment simple and to the point - a shorter statement has a greater impact and can often be more easily received.
3/ Be real
Be honest and speak from the heart no matter how uncomfortable you may feel. The authenticity will deepen the impact.
4/ Make sure the acknowledgment lands
It will most often be the inclination of the person to brush off your acknowledgment so you might have to restate it until you are sure the person hears what you have said. The person receiving the acknowledgment may be uncomfortable, that's ok, let them sit with it. Give acknowledgment freely, without expectation of a response.
My feature article this month covers a favorite topic of mine. I'm an enthusiastic "rah rah" kind of gal, but I recently learned how my "rah rah" praising can really be sort of "blah blah". Sure, when we enthusiastically tell someone they did a super job, it makes that person feel good in the moment but the praise is almost instantly forgotten. When we go further and practice deep acknowledgment - (that is, when we actually speak to who a person is, not just what they have done), the positive impact is much greater. 
Jan Carley BA, CEC, PCC 
