Now that January is almost gone, many folks have already broken their New Year's resolutions. For example, surveys of fitness centers conclude that

75% or more of those who bought a one-year membership have stopped going to the gym. Three times a week for a year looks like a long slog. 

My counsel: Make no "big" resolutions this year regarding your conversational skills. Instead, set one specific goal you desire, make a step-by-step plan to achieve it, commit yourself to it, and get the desired results.

Making one specific change is really possible, and in a relatively short time. A few weeks, perhaps a month. Then, when you succeed, you'll experience satisfaction and will probably decide to choose another specific behavior to work on.

Actually, new or different communication habits are fairly easy to install.

As Stephen Covey wrote in "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People," you can say to yourself "I can change. I can live out my imagination instead of my memory. I can tie myself to my limitless potential instead of my limiting past." You don't have to let the habits of your past determine your future.

"If you want things to be different, perhaps the answer is to become different yourself." -- Norman Vincent Peale

In this issue, I'll focus on adding or strengthening desirable conversation behaviors. Then, in my next issue, I'll focus on how to break unwanted conversation habits.

What's one conversation skill you'd like to add or strengthen?  

Here are some key conversation skills:

I'd like to be able to:

--Establish rapport and connect with confidence

--Listen well, with full attention

"Silence is one of the great arts of conversation."
    --Hannah More

--Ask better, more stimulating questions

--Explain something simply and clearly

--Talk expressively with body and vocal variety

Or do you prefer a different skill?

If you already know which skill would give you the greatest benefit, choose that one. (For the majority of people, it would be listening well.)

If you're not sure, you could ask a trusted friend "Which of my conversation skills should I improve?" When you ask, you give your friend permission to tell you.

As one wise person wrote, "Individuals don't know what they don't know."

Now, here's a simple path toward your success:

1. Know what you want. Example: "To give my full attention when listening to others."
2. Write it down.
3. Review it frequently. Posting it on your refrigerator and mirror will help.
4. Consciously practice the behavior at least a few times each day, the more times, the better.
5. At the end of the day, review and assess how well you did.

Just thinking about making a desired change won't do the job. Clarity, commitment, and practice are required.  

For those who would like to understand the deeper dynamics of personal change, here's a great new resource: "Changeology: 5 Steps to Realizing Your Goals and Resolutions," by John C. Norcross, Ph.D. (2012)