This article could also be entitled: "Your Gift of Christmas Presence: Empathy"
Empathy is a term from Greek roots. Em = in, pathy = feelings. It's being able to "feel into" the experience of others. In other words, understanding what someone else is feeling because you have experienced it yourself or can put yourself in their shoes.
(Sympathy has a different meaning, which is to acknowledge a person's emotional hardships and provide comfort and assurance.)
Now, to be able to empathize is simple, but not easy. That is why, when you truly empathize, it is such a gift.
As Seth Godin recently wrote,
"Empathy takes effort. When we extend our heart, our soul and our feelings to another, when we imagine what it must be like to be them, we expose ourselves to risk. The risk of feeling bruised, or of losing our ability to see the world from just one crisp and certain point of view.
"It's easier to walk on by, to compartmentalize and to isolate ourselves. Easier, but not worth it."
In Charles Dickens "A Christmas Carol," greedy old Scrooge cannot imagine what it's like to be poor like Bob Cratchit or crippled like Tiny Tim. He operates from his scheming head. His heart is hard. By the end of the story he has experienced a kind of transformation so he understands with a softer heart. He is able to empathize.
How does such an ability to empathize happen for any of the rest of us?
As essayist Madison Taylor eloquently wrote,
"When we begin to listen with our hearts rather than our heads, our whole world changes and becomes softer."
She went on to write
"Most of us were born and raised in cultures that value the head over the heart and, as a result, we place our own hearts below our heads in a sort of inner hierarchy of which we may not be conscious. What this means is that we tend to listen and respond from the neck up, often leaving the rest of our bodies with little or no say in most matters. This is a physical habit, which sometimes feels as ingrained as the way we breathe or walk. However, with effort and awareness, we can shift the energy into our hearts, listening and responding from this much deeper, more resonant place."
At Christmas, many of us have more "quality time" when we gather with friends and relatives, more time than we have during our busy "hurry-up" lives. As well, we are reminded by song, story and scripture of values like kindness, generosity, friendship, and caring. These create a seasonal "opportunity for empathy" that is available if you choose to take it and, with a more quiet mind and feeling heart, "put yourself in the shoes" of others.
Empathy takes effort, but it's well worth that. It can be your best and non-commercial gift - your gift of "Christmas Presence."
