All are done well by focusing on other people: Get out of your head and into theirs.  

Great Work Environments

Bob Sutton reviewed Bill and Dave: How Hewlett and Packard Built the World's Greatest Company and called out "Dave Packard's 11 Simple Rules" as guidelines for building an excellent work environment. What was #1?

 1. Think first of the other fellow. This is THE foundation - the first requisite - for getting along with others.

Making Friends

Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People is the classic on getting along well with others. (I broke down the social science underpinnings of it here.) Carnegie listed six ways to make people like you.

Via Wikipedia:

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
2. Smile.
3. Remember that a person's name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interest.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.

See a pattern?

Networking

I asked my buddy Adam, Fortune Magazine's most connected guy in Silicon Valley, what his single best tip was for being better at networking. What did he say?

Every day, do something selfless for someone else that takes under five minutes. The essence of this thing you do should be that it makes a big difference to the person receiving the gift. Usually these favors take the form of an introduction, reference, feedback, or broadcast on social media.

Negotiating With Kidnappers

I interviewed my friend Chris Voss, former Lead International Hostage Negotiator for the FBI. What did he say was the key to influencing people - even when they have a gun to someone's head?

If your first objective in the negotiation, instead of making your argument, is to hear the other side out, that's the only way you can quiet the voice in the other guy's mind. But most people don't do that. They don't walk into a negotiation wanting to hear what the other side has to say. They walk into a negotiation wanting to make an argument. They don't pay attention to emotions and they don't listen.

Being Happy

So what do you get out of all this attention to the needs and wants of others? Well, you just might get to be a very happy person.

"Researchers... found that happy people are ten times more likely to be other-oriented than self-centered. This suggests that happiness is a by-product of helping others rather than the result of its pursuit."

Via Shiny Objects: Why We Spend Money We Don't Have in Search of Happiness We Can't Buy:

So who is the happiest- a person who devotes his time to the pursuit of personal happiness or the person who devotes his life to helping others? The following brief exercise may help you fashion an answer to that question, which is one of life's most fundamental.

First, list ten people whom you know well. Next, rate each person as either happy or unhappy. Finally, rate each person as either self-centered or other-oriented. Do you see a pattern? Researchers have: they've found that happy people are ten times more likely to be other-oriented than self-centered. This suggests that happiness is a by-product of helping others rather than the result of its pursuit.

Give it a try today.  Stop thinking about yourself and think about the other person. Get out of your head and into theirs.

Source: http://www.businessinsider.com/what-do-great-workplaces-making-friends-networking-dealing-with-kidnappers-and-being-happy-all-have-in-common-2013-2

#1: They believe.

Successful people believe they are adding value to your day, on and off social media. My Forbes colleague David DiSalvo opened his very popular post: The 10 Reasons Why We Fail with a Yoda and Luke conversation:

Luke: I can't believe it.

Yoda: That is why you fail.

If the Yoda reference doesn't do it for you, then just watch the Jennifer Lawrence video. She believes - in herself and in her abilities to influence you with that unfortunate fall and more graceful rise. Link below for BuzzFeed's take on it.

@SororityCorner on Twitter sees this belief component as keeping true to who you are and building relationships.                                                                                                             Twitter Master Calvin Lee of                                                                                                               Mayhem Studios

  #2: They share what they had for lunch.

The real #2 is: Successful social media people listen. Listening means they monitor, observe, and respond based on what they learn.  They engage. My colleague Kelly Clay

Before I continue with the rest, this post is inspired by HubSpot. If you are a business owner or marketing executive, you have no doubt heard of this online marketing powerhouse that invented (at least from all I can remember) the term "Inbound Marketing" and then proceeded to completely own it. They offer all-in-one marketing software, but what makes them so remarkable is their dedication to providing truly useful content.

A couple of weeks ago they posted: 30 Terrible Pieces of Social Media Advice to Ignore. The post has been quite popular and I've flipped many of the entries to the positive (instead of "terrible") and here are many of their pointers, based on research or experience.

#3: They don't try to dominate every single social network.

Essentially, you find where your audience is and go there. Common sense, but not so easy to do it if you listen to the buzz instead of your customer. Most often, the top 3 can meet your need: Facebook, LinkedIn, and Twitter. But you may find that Pinterest or FourSquare ring the bell. Pick a few and focus there.

#4: They don't focus on one social media network.

HubSpot points out that no one network is the Holy Grail. You need to play in more than one sandbox.

#5: Social media leaders still use email.

Sounds funny, but with the advent of social media, many so-called social media experts claimed that email is dead. Far from it. Email is part of what allows a deeper conversation.

#6: They still believe in SEO.

Social media allegedly does away with the need for search engine optimization, according to the pundits. Untrue says HubSpot as well as the entire SEO community. Their post points out: "It's just another case of two marketing strategies working better when they're together. Social media posts now show in search results, social media engagement influences search rankings, and SEO can drive more people to your social profiles and posts."

#7: They are genuine.

Genuine results in not automating all your updates. You might automate some, but without real engagement, real connecting time, you miss out. Sure you can have 50,000 followers or fans, but will they know you if you call?

 "Calvin Lee, from Mayhem Studios in Los Angeles, is someone who has made his mark in actually "Being Genuine." He told me that it may sound like a cliche today, but: "I've heard that for the past 4 years, since the first time I jumped onto Social Media, more specifically Twitter. [But being genuine...] It's totally true!"

"I believe in doing good deeds and not ask for anything in return. My goal is in helping others where I can, sharing useful information, answer questions, reciprocating and more importantly. Be NICE! When you do good deeds, it will be returned to you 100 times or more."

- Calvin Lee

Tied to this is #8. They do not send auto DM to all their new followers.

HubSpot goes so far as to beg you not to do this: "Whether you want to thank them, tell them to visit your website, or anything else, please please please don't send an auto direct message (DM) to every new follower you get. Auto DMs are incredibly impersonal and perceived as spam by most. Sending auto DMs not only seems inconsiderate, but it also makes you look like a complete newbie who doesn't understand social media etiquette."

#9: They use hashtags judiciously.

Hashtags can be useful for specific events, such as a tweetchat or live event, but people are not monitoring those tags as often as you think.

#10: Successful social media users (clearly) don't believe the hype that prospects aren't using social media.

You may have said it or heard it: My customers are not using social media. According to Pew Research Center, 69% of adults use social media. You have a very tiny niche market if you think none of your prospects are in that stat. Check out this HubSpot post to see how many people on each site actually fit into your target market.

#11: They publish more quality, not just quantity.

If you have read Brian Clark or Jon Morrow at CopyBlogger, you already know about content marketing. The bar is rising for content.

#12: They understand that one message does not fit all networks

This is related to automation, but specifically means you tailor each message to each network. Twitter lends itself to greater frequency, Facebook to longer updates and photos. Follow Mari Smith for Facebook advice that works. See the website resources at the end, one of which often has Mari's advice in it.

#13: Social media leaders don't let friends outsource.

After Tim Ferriss book, Four Hour Workweek, many jumped on the outsourcing bandwagon. Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of having a team to help you, but you cannot outsource your voice, at least not very well. As Sahil Parikh from DeskAway shared with me on Twitter: "Be genuine!"

HubSpot shared how AT&T had social media outsourcing (combined with automation, not less!) go terribly wrong. If you're considering outsourcing your social media marketing, check out this post first.

#14: They hire interns, but they use them wisely.

I have to cite HubSpot directly on this one: "Who's even less qualified to talk about your industry than an outsourced social media consultant? A college student with no real-world work experience. Now, that's not to say that all interns are unqualified for such a job. The point we're trying to make here is that social media is not just some throw-away marketing strategy; it's a public face of the company. Would you let that same intern do an interview on behalf of your company for a TV spot?"

#15: Success in social media demands that you get personal.

I find it laughable that CEOs join social networks only to post about their companies. There are , no doubt, some high profile CEOs that people follow regardless, but most knowledgeable executives understand you have to get personal. That above lighthearted joke about what you had for lunch is not what I mean. "People don't fall in love with hex colors and logos - they fall in love with people"@RedHeadWriting

#16: They know that social media is not free, but earned.

Social media, like any marketing, takes time, which isn't free. So to be effective in social media, you'll need to invest in human resources. You need to invest in it, period.

#17: They measure social media.

A couple of years ago I did a project for Optify - which specializes in helping companies score and rank social media and web traffic in terms of prospect lead value. What I learned from them is that you need to track and monitor and measure.

#18: They know that fan/follower growth is secondary to getting paid.

Most business owners and executives get on social media to improve their sales and marketing. You can argue with me in the comments, of course, about how you are there to serve without selling at all. But at the end of the day, you have a reason, a goal, for being there. That's why fan /follower counts don't matter as much as figuring out how to get people engaged enough to buy. The number of fans/followers does matter, to be clear, just not as much as some egos would have you believe.

#19: They believe in their network and leverage it.

You are part of a community, if you're doing this right. Some may argue that you cannot ask people to comment or follow or retweet you. There are no rules, folks. We're making this up as we go. It can be done in an ethical and conscientious way - and it works. Ask for help. I'm just finishing a post for Yahoo! Small Business on the power of networking (no link yet, sorry), but I do plan to tell part of the story here later.

HubSpot studied that a simple call-to-action like "please retweet" can go a long way to generate more social activity. In fact, their research has shown that including "please retweet" actually leads to 4x more retweets! Start your social media day with more retweets and shares is what I advocate.

I would love to hear your social media advice in the comments or on Twitter. I want to know what has made you successful on social media. If you have aTech Tool You Love that helps you manage social media, please share it with me or sign up for my email newsletter to keep up with new tools I'm reviewing each and every week.

Full disclosure: HubSpot provided me with a long-term trial account that I have yet to really try out as a product reviewer, but that's not why I'm writing about them today. That review is coming sometime in the near future.

Resources & Gallery below:

Three websites that are focused on social media and that I believe are worth reading regularly:

1.  Social Media Today
2.  Social Media Explorer
3.  Social Media Examiner