I have been blessed with some great mentors. They were smart, experienced, and always had my best interests at heart-but they weren't gentle. Probably each person gets the style they need from their best mentors, and mine were tough because I needed it.
Here are a few things that my mentors have taught me about mentoring:
1. Listen Well
The best mentors ask lots of questions. They get information before making recommendations. I remember conversations with one of my great mentors during which he peppered me with questions for a long time. At the end of the interrogation, I asked him, "Well, what do you think I should do?" His answer was very telling: "You just figured out what you should do; you just haven't committed to doing it."
He was right: The questioning had clarified my thoughts, and he had led me through the choices to a course of action that was completely my own. Instead of an answer, he had given me a path.
2. Guide, Don't Do
My mentors might have recommended I contact someone, read a book, visit an exhibit or change a course of action-but they did not make the call for me, buy the book for me, take me to an exhibit or dictate a change of course. All of that was on me.
From time to time I am asked by people to "be my mentor." The first thing that I do is to give them an assignment. It is something simple: Write a page about what you want, how success will be measured and why you chose me rather than someone else. If they start to answer, I cut them off and simply say, "Write it down and email it to me a week from today before 5 p.m."
The interesting thing: Very, very few ever complete the assignment. Why? They thought that "getting a mentor" was an easy way to have a senior person start working for them.
3. Focus on Action
That leads me to the most important thing my mentors taught me: Take action. Every time we talked about an issue or considered a plan, my mentors wanted to know the action that I was going to take-and how soon. Who has time to coach and develop people who will not do something that is in their own best interest?
I know that what success I have had has occurred, in large part, because of the support of my mentors; I am also privileged to be mentoring a number of other people now. It can be very rewarding, but it helps to have a clear understanding of the roles of both people in the mentor relationship.
