We do it by answering this question:
How do you solve the Iraqi “problem” in
general and the Middle East Crisis in
particular once and for all -- and do it fairly?
The short answer is: by relying on the
Cosmology theorizing of the Stephen Hawking’s type
Big Bang theorists.
The long answer follows.
Since this solution is being generated in the West
by a “westerner”, Joshua Deer (aspiring columnist)
who is 24% ex-christian and 76% a-theist, we
temporarily accept his use of Christians and Islamists
as the two mutually exclusive classes representing
all the world’s religions.
As to all the world’s other actual religions,
since they probably allow some room
for reason in the individual life of their practitioners
they are closer to christianity than “islanity”. Voila!
Islamist versus “Christianist” seems
to be a good place to draw the battle line between
the world’s religions.
Next.
We get the www (w hole
w ide w orld) to sign on to a
prayer contest between the two religious
groups.
And since fairness is one of our goals and since
this contest is being generated in the West we let
the Islamists go first.
I know there are going to be lots of protests out
there from sports fans the world over who think the
only fair thing to do is flip a coin, but since this is
Joshua’s viewpoint I think we should do it his way.
The Islamists get to go first.
Next year in 2007 on any day of their
choosing all the Islamists in the
www pray to God/Allah to bring death and
destruction upon all the Christians in the
www.
Then we wait for the proper length of time for
Allah to hear the prayers and respond.
I know you are thinking, what’s the proper
length of time and to answer this we ultimately have
to turn to the cosmologists, which we’ll do in a
moment.
But first, lets finish the contest by giving the
Christians their chance.
Since our wait time is going to be more than a
year, we finish the first phase of the contest the
following year—that is, in 2008 on any day of
their choosing all the Christians in the
www pray to God/Jehovah to bring death
and destruction upon all the Islamists in the
www.
Then we declare a truce and a time out while we
wait the 19 years to get the first response and then
another year to get the second response.
That is, we wait to see what natural disaster
Allah rains down and/or heaves up on the Christians
during the 2026-27 biennium.
And then, in like fashion we see what natural
disaster Jehovah rains down and/or heaves up on the
Islamists in the 2027-28 biennium.
And then we compare the “body” counts and the
Religious Group with the largest number wins.
(Of course we will have to come up with some
counting rules beforehand. For example, 1. collateral
damage can or can’t be counted (or subtracted from
the count as the case may be), 2. all dead bodies
will be worth one point but it will take two or maybe
even three maimed bodies to equal one point and/or
3. depending on the degree of maiming maybe 2
severe maims will equal one point but maybe 10
mildly bruised bodies will only be worth a half
point ... and so on ... or some such fair system to be
determined between now and 2025 say).
Now I suppose ...
Wait ... halt, you say?
How do we know the proper wait
time is
19 years?
In spite of what you may be thinking, the answer
to this is easy (and knowable). It is knowable by
one validating principle: because the
cosmologists tell me so.
Here’s how (and where).
A famous cosmologist/physicist and premise-
accepting-scientist of the Big Bang theory of the
Universe, George Gamow, working in the first half of
the last century made an observation of this mass
praying phenomenon and used it to demonstrate
that 19 years is the “proper” time interval for us to
use in our prayer contest.
As for our source on this, we will use (The
Holy Bible? ... no ... The Qur'an? ...
no ... rather, we will use) the New York Times
best seller book, Big Bang, The Origin of the
Universe, by Simon Singh (Harper Collins
Publisher, 2004) as stated on page 334:
On one occasion, ... [Gamow] ... argued that God
lived 9.5 light years from the Earth. This estimate
relied on the fact that in 1904, at the outbreak of
the Russo-Japanese War, churches across Russia
had offered prayers requesting the destruction of
Japan, but it was not until 1923 that Japan was
struck by the Kanto earthquake. Presumably prayers
and God’s wrath were limited by the speed of light,
and the time delay indicated the distance to the
Lord’s abode.
So, given that it is an immutable law of the
Universe that nothing can travel
faster than
the speed of light in free space (including message
transmissions) the 19 years is the proper time
interval to wait. Then the only two questions
remaining for us to answer are:
1. Who wins? and
2. What do they win?
Since the first question is going to take another
couple decades or so to answer, we’ll wait awhile to
answer the second one (maybe we can think about it
and include the answer in with our counting rules to
be finished by 2025 AD).
So, Joshua Deer says, peace on earth and
goodwill towards all men for the next nineteen
or twenty years at least, until that is, we find out
who the gods like best.
After all, not Amen but rather, A is
A man.
Gary Deering, aka Joshua Deer, is author and
writer of the new book, Yes. (Is BiO Spiritualism
the answer?) , RaIse Books, LLC Publisher, 2006.
A book about a new spiritualism that is based on
reason and science and not on faith and praying.
