Robin used to come into Outback in Mill Valley many years ago. Robin's life was such a huge gift to this world and his death also seems a gift with all that has been circulating the web and news. The gift of the sharings and carings, the awareness that no matter what our "success" in life we are all still challenged, that there is no shame in challenge, no shame in "battles with demons", "mental illness" ... in fact this shame is what makes it harder to help and be helped. Along with many in this state of pain, feeling that this (they) are "too much" to share. Like in door to door sales, one just needs to keep knocking on the next door until someone answers and not worry about those that don't. A young friend of mine years ago said, "Devi, I'm too much for any one!" I said, yes you are a lot ... of so much beauty, wonder, talent and yes, challenge ... spread it around". That seems to have served her well.
A friend called for a family "intervention" the night Robin left, and as an outside force I was able to "move the storm clouds" out of the house. I have a deal with my friend, she can call and if it works I can assist. And if it doesn't even work to answer that call, that's OK too, and she knows when I do answer, it works for me. And vice versa, we have both been able to support each other immensely. And the timing always seems perfect for where we can do the most good. Shame and guilt about an inability to respond also gets in the way of healing. As Martyn says, do what's pleasurable for yourself and useful for others. It was pleasurable to bring some ease to my friends (and vice versa!)
And sometimes it's just time for a person to die (or as I've experienced, to wake up from this dream). It was Robin's time and he left his awesome legacy. I am feeling deep gratitude for all he gave me including the passion to stand up on a table and shout,
Captain my Captain ... thank-you, I love you!
