Have you ever been robbed?  For example, has your car or home ever been broken into and things were taken?  I hope you haven't but I have.  In college someone broke into my apartment and stole my stereo.  And even worse, my favorite Blondie album was on the turn table and they took that too!  I was livid!  How dare they come into my space and take my things.

Recently, a close friend of mine had his car broken into, at night in his own driveway.  He called me that morning and boy was he mad.  They took his brief case and his planner which had all of his information both personal and work related.  There wasn't a lot I could say.  I know how it feels to have your space violated.  Nothing I could say could make it better but I did say, "I know how it feels when something bad happens, beyond your control, but you have to live with the consequences none the less...what can I do to make it easier?"

We humans live in a very well orchestrated state of denial.  We think that if we do our due diligence, keep our ducks in a row, we will be fine.  Damn all the confounding circumstances like bad people, illness, economic down swings etc.  We think we have it all under control.  We don't.

I think that sometimes family caregivers have the "I've been robbed" feeling.  What happened to their well planned retirement, their successful career, their healthy Moms, Dads, Husbands or Wives?  The often unchosen choice to be the caregiver confounds all that.  How did this happen?  What did I do to deserve this?

There is really no good answer except one and that is - stuff happens.  There are a variety of trite sayings that address this situation like "make a plan and hear God laughing" or "it's not what happens to us but how we handle it that matters."  Maybe the reality should be, "you have every reason to be upset but are you going to let it destroy you?"  How can you regain some of the control you have lost to an out-of-control situation?  Can you work past the anger and achieve some comfort in your new reality?

As you know, Share the Care is here for you.  We know you are dealing with very stressful circumstances.  We acknowledge your right to be upset.  It's true that you will never get back many of the things that have been taken from you.  It isn't fair.  But remember that there is help.  We can assist you as you try to make order out of chaos.