Recommitting to Care and Connection in the Midst of Outrage and Injustice

by Nanci E. Luna Jiménez

My sense of injustice is palpable. For 2 weeks now, my government has been shut down. Every day I am touched by heart-breaking stories about the impact of this impasse on both strangers and people I love -- working class and working poor parents with no place to take their children since there is no Head Start; no rent relief for people transitioning into housing free of domestic violence and abuse; no death benefits for women and men killed in service; long-planned school trips to visit national parks, monuments or museums forfeited; small businesses laying off part or all of their staff because of frozen government directed or funded contracts. The list goes on and I suspect each of you reading this newsletter could add your own personal story of how this shutdown has impacted you.

Seeking to Understand

Yet even in the midst of my outrage, I recognize this is the very time for me to seek understanding. Even though I feel my perspective is so justified, so right, so defendable, how do I hold onto my values while not making the other person wrong or stupid? While doing the work of social justice, how can I be just? As soon as I attack, begin to blame, shame or minimize the dignity of those who are striking out from their injury and confusion -- I become like them, I become the very thing I wish to stop, the very thing that has systematically and personally hurt me. When I act out from this hurt, I co-create a dynamic that is perpetuating and mutually self-destructive.  

It is this very contradiction that is at the heart of the practice that has framed my life's work -- the belief in the inherent goodness and dignity of all human beings: even, or maybe especially, those who have wronged me or who I perceived to have wronged me.  How can we all shift out of a blame space, and instead begin to explore: What is happening/has happened to those who would strike out in this way? What would cause them to feel so powerless? What is their story?  What is triggering them to act out in a way that goes against their own best interest? Where have I acted out in a similar way?

Compassion

It's this last question that points me home to my core value, a heart-centered place based in compassion, much like a meditation practice, coming back to my breath even when my mind wanders. As many of you who know me, you are aware that I regularly express my hurt and outrage with listening partners who provide safe places for me to discharge with tears or fury or sometimes laughter. For those of you who have attended any of my workshops or facilitated or coaching sessions, you have personally experienced the powerful practice of Constructivist Listening. As I release my hurt, confusion, fear and rage I can return to a place of caring connection -- remembering all of us have been deeply impacted by institutional oppressions that (temporarily) impede our capacity to think about and treat each other well.