The ads are telling us to buy, the stores are all decorated, the music is playing, and the not so subtle 
message is "Make this Christmas special and get what you want. You deserve it."
You do deserve to get what you want. You work hard. You sacrifice your time and energy in order to make the money to buy those wants. Consider this though, that no "want" is worth putting yourself at risk through debt or financial discomfort/stress.
So how do you deal with those overwhelming wants? It is a normal human condition to want something we don't have. Blame it on the frontal lobe of our brains...we are the only animals out there that can vividly imagine something that we don't have. This is the same part of our brains that allows us to create music, art, drama and other creative pursuits, so in those ways it is a gift to us.
The downside is that it can also be used to create these wants that we're talking about. We can see ourselves wearing it, driving it, having it, flying there. It can feel like a done-deal before we've even put a dollar down.
I want to re-emphasize that it is a very normal human condition to want what we don't have. But that doesn't mean that we then act on those wants. To do that would be an endless process of spending money, because there's no limit to our creativity in imagining more wants.
Those pesky wants can haunt us though. We can think about them so hard and long that they seem like needs. Or they can bushwhack us when we're out doing other shopping, with an interior dialogue like: "I've been thinking about this for a long time. I might as well get it now." Or "It's on sale and I was going to buy it anyway."
Many of us were trained through experiences as children that if we have a good enough reason, we can talk our parents into getting something for us. We use that same principle on our wants as adults...that if we rationalize a good enough story, we can justify spending the money on a want.
In response to this, it's important to remember that we buy from emotion and then justify with logic. I saw an experiment several years ago where the researchers had attached electrodes to shoppers' heads and then monitored them as they went shopping. The spike in brain activity happened as the shoppers were looking, and dropped when the items were taken to the register. The experiment demonstrated the power of the imagining process in the brain wave spikes, and the need that justification fills in getting you past the drop in brain waves at the register.
So if wants are spikes in brain activity, how can we make sure that we're not being carried away by a normal brain function? Below are some ideas around how you can make sure that you're spending your money on what brings you the most true value and not being run by your creative brain in the moment.
NEXT STEPS
- Leave the store. If you're being bushwhacked by a want in a store, leave the store. Write down the item, and walk away. Give it time, and see if you want it tomorrow, or next week. About 95% of the time, you won't go back.
- Make a list, have a dream file. Write down in detail what you want or tear a picture out of a magazine. Acknowledge that there is something that you want that you're choosing not to get at this time. This gets it out of your brain and gives you this answer to your internal dialogue: "When we're ready to get this, I've got it all handled in my dream file."
- Watch how you talk to yourself. If you're saying to yourself that you never get what you want, or that you can't afford it, or that having wants is wrong, you're setting yourself up to get bushwhacked into buying or working harder on your justification to yourself. If you want to improve this situation, you want to re-phrase your internal dialogue. Instead use thoughts such as: "I always get what I want, just not all at the same time," or "When I'm
ready it will be there." - Start saving for Priority Item #1 on your list. Prioritize your want-list, and build the purchase into your next month's spending plan or savings plan (depending on the size of the purchase). This is the healing process that is possible in satisfying wants: claiming the want, anticipating the purchase, saving for the purchase, and then making the "want" come true and celebrating your ability to meet your wants.
You can have what you want in a safe, sane and healing way. There is always enough...it's the choices we make with our money that determine your personal financial climate.
If you have a tough time getting past a sense of deprivation as you say "later" to yourself, or find yourself at risk through debt or under-funded savings, give me a call so we can discuss how you can turn that all around. The greatest deprivation is lack of financial freedom, and financial freedom is what you deserve.
