There are two most important days in a life of a man, one is the day he was born and the other is the day he finds out why.
Rev Dr Summers Nwokie
This quote came up in my LinkedIn feed this past weekend. While I can understand one interpretation of it as a sort of "call to action" to focus your energy on understanding your "why?" I cannot help my feelings of resentment and frustration when I see quotes like this that attempt to dumb down the life experience to simple platitudes.
I think the reason this quote is bothering me is because I am heading into a transition in life - in a few months, my youngest child will be going off to college and my residence will officially qualify for "empty nest" status. As a result, the answer to "why?" which was so clear to me when my children were young, vulnerable, and under my care, suddenly has become a bit murky.
The problem I see with Dr. Nwoke's premise is that it limits, versus expands, a person's potential purpose in life. It suggests that there will be only one defining moment where one lifelong answer to "Why was I born?" will some how miraculously remove all uncertainty and once-and-for-all provide clear direction on living life with a purpose.
Quotes like this feed into the self-help industry that seeks quick fixes and plaque-worthy thoughts. They can also play into limited mindsets that sound something like this:
a) Once I have fulfilled my purpose, as I understood it to be on that one moment in time in my life...I am not sure what I will do, what else is left for me?
b) Lacking the lightning bolt moment of a day or moment when my single purpose for my life is revealed to me, I am some how "less than" those who have had that moment. And so, until I have that moment, I am not able to truly live my life to the fullest.
A coaching tool that I have shared with many clients to help unblock some of these thoughts is simply adding two small words to the 'why?' thought-track that opens up an entire lifetime of possibilities: for now.
Simply put: "What is my why, for now?"
That small shift allows for a premise that every day holds the potential for a new answer to "why?" which I find refreshing, empowering, and energizing:
1) There are hundreds, even thousands, of important days in anyone's life, not just two...no limits!
2) In the course of a lifetime, the answer to "why?" will evolve, transform, and reflect what is going on at any given time and any given day, even to your last day...no limits!
This week, if you are struggling with the why question (professionally or personally), try applying the "for now" approach.
Try to recognize the "why,for now?" in the every day.
Consider this revision to the quote above (completely plaque-worthy) :
Know Your Daily Why.
