Describe reality as you see it, and start a conversation.
The late great Yogi Berra is credited as having said "You can observe a lot by just watching."
I encourage my clients to pay attention to what's going on around them. Pay attention to the congregation's physical condition, what furniture is where, who donated what, how well the office is equipped, etc. What does the physical condition of the church building say about the congregation? That they are inordinately proud of their building and wealth? focused on mission? defeated and broke? that they are good stewards of their blessings? that the office of pastor is important - or not?
Pay attention to conversations among members. Who is speaking to whom or who is avoiding whom? What does their body language tell you?
What are signs of trust or mistrust? How well do they handle differences?
To what extent do church communications demonstrate a clarity of mission and vision?
How well does the church's organizational system support its mission? Or does it inhibit its mission?
This admonition (Tip#4 in my book) is inspired by Max De Pree, former CEO of Herman Miller Furniture Co., who asserted, "The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant and a debtor." (from his book Leadership is An Art - p.11)
I tweak this notion a bit. As a pastor or church leader, you can't define reality. You don't know members' reality. But you can describe reality as you see it and then start a conversation about it with both individuals and groups in the congregation, especially leaders and members of committees.
It's important to recognize that the reality you see will almost certainly not be the reality others see. But your simply describing reality as you see it and exploring their perceptions will start and inform great conversation.
Take care not to blast them with your perceptions of reality by making statements such as, "I observe that you are a crowd of dolts stuck in the 1950's!" That might lead to WWIII or at least to your departure from the church! I might say something like, "As I have talked with you and others in the congregation, I have heard a lot of people saying that they are having trouble hearing clearly in worship. Is that your experience? If so, have you explored what might be done to improve the acoustics?" The idea is to explore questions, misunderstandings, and confusions. Be very clear that you are seeking to understand them. Chances are newer members on the board have some of the same questions but have never asked them.
Describing your reality and starting a conversation also helps them to know themselves better. One of my clients serving a congregation with a history of conflict told the board, "What you have told me in so many words is that you habitually form circular firing squads here! There's a lot of pain and hurt feelings!" Members of the board nodded sheepishly in agreement. He got them started on a more positive trajectory.
One client (a transition pastor) prepares a simple report she titles "Reality as I See It" and gives it to her governing board every six months. She has helped leaders get more clarity on challenges they face with their congregation that has a few aging Caucasian members and an influx of African immigrants. The congregation has an old building that's much too big for the current membership, financial deficits, and some old ghosts that haunt them. By describing what she has seen, she has helped them change the worship, challenge (especially) the immigrants to understand the giving system of American Presbyterians and how it is different from what they were used to in Africa, and change meeting schedules to respond to constraints. They have really turned the congregation around.
Note that I say "start a conversation." In a conversation people listen to each other with curiosity and creativity. Another gem from Yogi: "It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much." Too often people, rather than listening, talk too much (everybody except me, of course, and you)!
Be clear, it is important to describe positive realities as well as negative ones. One client told me about leading his board through a difficult discussion regarding a personnel issue. He commended them as they concluded the discussion for their candor and care both for the employee in question and also for each other. They showed they knew how to deal with differences. So catch them in the act of doing something well and affirm that reality!
What realities might you describe to key leaders in your church?
- trends in worship, giving, participating in education
- the condition of the building
- how problems are solved or not
- how decisions are made and by whom
- any particularly difficult behaviors
- the trust level among leaders and in the congregation
- people who have demonstrated a real sense of discipleship
- unsung caregivers
- staff members who have gone above and beyond expectations
- demographic changes, challenges, and opportunities
If I were leading you as a group, we'd come up with several hundred realities you could describe and talk about. The point is that you might see some reality that others simply don't see. Lay it on the table and start a conversation!
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